PoT Fairy Tales
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: A collection of silly spoofs on our favorite fairy tales. It's all been done before, but hey, it's still fun, right? No longer just fairy tales. Finally complete!
1. Cinderyoma

A/N and disclaimer: I don't own anything, which is sad, so...why did I write this fic? Who knows? It's rather disturbing. I hope you like it! It's just something silly because I was in a very silly mood. I actually wrote this just after I started watching PoT...

CINDERYOMA

Once upon a time, there was a young boy called Cinderyoma. His mother died when he was very young, and his father, the lecherous monk Nanjiroh, was forced to remarry a woman twice his age named Ryuzaki-sensei. She wasn't SO bad except she got mad and yelled a lot when Nanjiroh was being a dork. Ryuzaki had two sons, Inui and Akutsu. Inui constantly made Cinderyoma the test subject of his special juices, which caused poor Cinderyoma many stomach upsets and painful bouts of diarrhea, and the occasional drink even made him turn hairy and howl at the full moon. Akutsu was just an all around creep and chucked rocks at poor Cinderyoma whenever he got the chance. Cinderyoma was forced to do all the housework, including laundry, vacuuming, dishwashing, and feeding the Venus fly trap. He became a slave in his own home, but his father was too busy reading porn and ignoring his angry wife to notice.

One night, the gallant Prince Charming announced he was holding a ball to choose a wife for himself. Cinderyoma desperately wanted to go, but his creepy stepbrothers wouldn't let him. Inui and Akutsu went to the ball and left Cinderyoma behind. Cinderyoma wallowed in misery for a while, until, POOF! _Something_ appeared.

It was a rather pissed-off looking guy, wearing a green bandana, a frilly pink dress, and in his hand, he held a tennis racket with a sequined star on the end.

Cinderyoma started to leave, thinking what a bad joke this was, but the pink-clad man hissed at him.

"Listen. I'm your Fairy God Kaido. So...go to the ball already." Kaido waved his tennis racket, and the pumpkin turned into a carriage. The rats and hamsters were apparently supposed to turn into horses, but instead the rats turned into two guys who exchanged a lot of high fives and looked like more than friends (they _were_ the golden pair of rats after all) and the hamsters turned into a very cheerful-looking bloke with semi-permanent closed eyes and a hidden agenda, and a weak-looking dude. Kaido handed the weak-looking dude a racket, and he went kind of nuts, and it was decided he would do just fine for pulling the carriage.

Cinderyoma himself was transformed as well. He was now wearing a dazzling white sparkling dress, complete with glass slippers, white gloves, and a tiara.

"Hey...I'm a guy, I can't wear this," Cinderyoma said, monotone never wavering.

"That's what _I _said," Kaido grumbled, "But no one listened to _me _so shut up."

Cinderyoma shrugged, and got into the carriage, deciding that going in drag was better than not going at all.

Driving the carriage was an energetic fellow, who insisted on being called Momo-chan. He wished Cinderyoma luck with the prince. When they got there, he followed Cinderyoma because he felt like spying to see how things turned out. He was a nosy little boy.

Cinderyoma didn't bother to mention that he didn't really care about the prince, he just wanted to go to the ball because he'd heard they were going to be playing tennis. He went inside and checked out some of the matches that were going on.

His horses played doubles against each other. The golden pair won because Eiji made lots of cute little noises (which isn't really a good reason to win, but oh well) so Fuji (the cheerful-looking bloke) asked Kawamura (the crazy one, who was currently cursing in English) to dance. The crazy man readily agreed, dropped his racket, and went back to being shy while they danced. The golden pair exchanged a few more high fives, then they, too, danced, in their lovey-dovey manner, which involved a lot of smooching when they thought no one was looking.

Momo-chan had a match with Fairy God Kaido and it was obvious they had a thing going even though they pretended to hate ach other. 

Inui was trying to sell some of his Super Happy Dancing Flower Inui Juice of Ultimate Doom, but it wasn't doing so good. Akutsu, being very bored, was throwing rocks at his brother.

Cinderyoma couldn't find anyone decent to play with (dirty joke intended) until...he saw...HIM (tm). HE (tm) was absolutely beautiful in every way. A golden ray of light shone down around him, and a chorus of angels sang. Cinderyoma was awed by him (but, naturally, would not admit it). The Golden God came over to him and challenged him to a tennis match. Cinderyoma accepted, and they went to battle. Cinderyoma found tennis a little difficult in the dress, but he still managed to put up a good fight.

"Who are you?" the Golden God asked.

"Hn."

"Hn? That's your name?"

"Iie."

"Show me your tennis! Become Seigaku's Pillar of Strength!"

"Okay."

"Will you marry me?"

"Madda madda da ne." The Golden God was certainly hot, but since Cinderyoma was only twelve years old, he was not yet ready for marriage.

The Golden God whooped Cinderyoma's ass in their tennis game, then revealed his true identity. He was really...Prince Charming! Cinderyoma was only slightly impressed by that information. He was more interested in playing more tennis. Prince Charming (also known as Tezuka-chan) was happy to comply. 

Suddenly, the clock struck midnight. And no one cared because nothing special happened. Kaido's magic didn't run out, because he wasn't a cheap bastard like some other fairy god mothers. And nothing special happened with the glass slippers, because Cinderyoma had discarded them a long time ago before he started playing tennis, and now Inui was wearing them, even though they were too small, because they made him feel pretty and gave him extra confidence to continue selling his unpopular juice. He did have one customer though. Fuji...was a strange, strange man, who enjoyed the nasty and traumatizing juice.

Eventually, Cinderyoma and Tezuka-chan married, and somehow Cinderyoma managed to produce several heirs for the Prince Charming...

"OI!"

Sorry, Ryoma-kun...just kidding.

And they all lived happily ever after. (Especially Eiji because he made lots of cute noises!)


	2. Sleeping Jiroh

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a king and queen of a moderately-sized kingdom full of happy and not-so-happy people, all leading lives that no one cared about enough to write stories for.

This particular king and queen threw a huge party to celebrate the birth of their new son. They invited absolutely everyone, except for the evil with Mizuki.

Mizuki was highly insulted, and crashed the party, demanding to know why his beautiful presence had not been requested there. The king and queen had no good excuse, and they didn't want to tell him the real reason -- that they didn't like him, and that's why he hadn't been invited.

Since they failed to provide him with a good answer, he cursed their son. Mizuki said that on Jiroh's sixteenth birthday he would prick his finger on a spinning wheel, and fall into a deep sleep that would last a ridiculously long time, until some prince or other came along and gave him a kiss of true love.

The king and queen despaired. Their son was gay! There would be no heirs --

Mizuki became impatient, and pointed out that the real problem here was that their son would be more or less DEAD if he was asleep for a ridiculously long time. The king and queen despaired. This was truly a curse!

Mizuki the evil witch disappeared, cackling all the way, and left the king and queen to try and figure out what they should do about their son. Finally, they came to the conclusion that they should send him away until after he was sixteen, and he would be perfectly fine. And they burned all the spinning wheels in the kingdom, just in case.

Jiroh spent his early years in the company of the three lovely fairies: Fuji, Inui, and Tezuka.

Fifteen years and some odd months passed uneventfully.

And then...

*****

Jiroh liked to sleep a lot. More than the average teenager, in fact. The three lovely fairies often had trouble waking him to go out and do his chores, which consisted of picking berries and other stupid tasks that he really despised, but had no choice but to do, because Inui, the Data-Collecting Chef Extraordinaire Fairy (TM) could get very scary when his schedule was disrupted.

On one of Jiroh's outings, he was napping by a tree, and was awakened to the sound of hoof beats. He opened his eyes to see the most beautiful man he'd ever laid eyes on. He realized that he'd dreamt of that man many times before...so he thought he was still asleep, closed his eyes, and went back to snoring.

The man looked at Jiroh and thought to himself, 'What a lovely girl. She would make the perfect wife for me, for she is almost as beautiful as I am.'

He mistook Jiroh for a woman probably because of the frilly outfit that Jiroh was forced to wear by Fuji, the Sadistic Fairy of Doom (TM). The man on horseback demounted, and went to Jiroh, and shook him awake.

"Run away with me," he commanded.

Jiroh mumbled something unintelligible, and tried to go back to sleep, but the man kept shaking him.

"Oi! I said, run away with me!"

"The fairies wouldn't like that much," Jiroh said.

"So?"

Jiroh shrugged. "I have to listen to what they say, since they raised me and all. No strangers, they said."

"I see. Well, if you change your mind, come by my kingdom. I'm Prince Atobe."

"Sure."

Jiroh went back to sleep, and Prince Atobe rode off.

Jiroh promptly forgot that incident.

*****

On the morning of Jiroh's sixteenth birthday, Inui baked him a special birthday cake. Jiroh ate a piece, then abruptly brought it back up, exclaiming curses all the while. Inui scribbled something on one of his scrolls with his quill pen, muttering something about "ii data".

The Grunting Fairy (TM) Tezuka, and Fuji, gave Jiroh their present: some new clothes. Judging by the sensible-ness of them, Tezuka had picked out the material.

"Thanks guys," Jiroh said, with a yawn.

"Now Jiroh, we have something to tell you," Fuji said. "You're actually the Prince of this kingdom, and you were cursed as a baby, blah blah blah, so today you have to go home, yadda yadda." He recounted the entire tale to Jiroh.

Jiroh yawned again. "Oh. Whatever."

So the three fairies took Jiroh home, and presented him to the king and queen, who hugged him and kissed him, and exclaimed about how much he'd grown, and how pretty -- er -- handsome he was, and how much they'd missed him, etc. etc. When they finally finished their touching reunion, Jiroh was shown to his new room, where he flopped down on his bed, and went to sleep.

He woke up some time later, and heard someone calling his name. He went to that voice...It took him up some winding and foreboding looking stairs, and into a tiny little room that contained nothing but a spinning wheel. Which of course he pricked his finger on. He fell into a deep sleep.

The king and queen despaired. (They were good at that.)

The three fairies cast a spell on the entire kingdom so that it would sleep with Jiroh.

Meanwhile, the Prince Atobe was riding by. He heard from some random guy on the street that the kingdom was under an enchantment and its prince needed to be woken up by the kiss of true love. Atobe wasn't really interested. He was on his way to fight the evil witch Mizuki who was holding his minion, Kabaji, hostage.

Atobe fought with Mizuki, and after a battle in which Mizuki turned into a giant dragon, Atobe ended up being the victor anyway. Mizuki screamed and whined in a corner about how he was melting and the world was cruel. Prince Atobe ignored him, and retrieved his minion Kabaji, whom he needed to do all his dirty work for him, since he hated doing it himself.

"Oh, and incidentally, do you know anything about a kingdom under enchantment?" Atobe asked the shrivelling up Mizuki.

"I cursed the prince a while back," Mizuki replied, as he melted away. "He's going to sleep for a long time if he doesn't get a kiss of true love..."

"Well, that still doesn't interest me. Let's go, Kabaji."

"Usu."

So they rode off into the sunset, and didn't bother going to wake up Jiroh. He slept peacefully for a couple of years, until Atobe happened to be passing by the kingdom again. He saw that it was still under enchantment, and decided he might as well go up into the tower to take a look. Which meant he sent Kabaji up the stairs to see what the sleeping prince looked like. When he heard Kabaji's five word description, Atobe realized that this was the girl from the forest. Who wasn't really a girl at all, but what the hell. He made Kabaji carry him up the twelve flights of stairs, and then he went over to where Jiroh lay sleeping. He was rather disturbed by the thought of kissing him and infecting his person with germs, so he ordered Kabaji to do the kissing for him.

Jiroh's eyes opened. He saw what was looming over him, and then he promptly passed out.

"Kabaji! That was ineffective," Prince Atobe said crossly. "Step aside." 

"Usu."

Atobe leaned down, and kissed Jiroh on the cheek, where there would be less germs. Jiroh woke up and saw a much more pleasing face, and he gave a very sleepy smile.

"So, are you going to run away with me now?" Atobe asked.

"Sure." Then Jiroh started snoring again.

"Bring him, Kabaji."

"Usu."

And so Prince Atobe and Jiroh lived happily ever after, but not the enchanted kingdom, because Inui's spell had been a little too effective, and they never woke up.

THE END


	3. The Emperor's New Clothes

A/N: Ah...because you asked for more...I decided to give you more. Oh, what a sad human being I am...and you love it, don't you? I'm planning on doing Beauty and the Beast and perhaps Sailor Ochibi as requested -- but first, I had an idea that was too good to ignore.

The Emperor's New Clothes  
(uh oh)

Once upon a time, in a kingdom that is thankfully far, far away, in fact, so far that it probably doesn't exist anymore, there lived a wise and mighty (and terribly sexy) emperor called Atobe. He ruled the kingdom with an iron fist (or rather, he used the iron fist of his right hand man Kabaji to rule the kingdom for him, while he issued commands from his seat in his golden throne).

On one particularly dark and stormy night, Atobe received visitors from out of kingdom. They asked for an audience, and out of curiousity more than anything else, Atobe received them.

His visitors claimed to be tailors. There were two of them, and the one who did all the talking had a very annoying habit of twirling his hair around his finger. Atobe almost ordered Kabaji to have the man's hand removed, but then decided he would hear the man out first. He gave his name as Mizuki, and his companion he called Yuuta.

Mizuki claimed that he and Yuuta had developed a fabric that was their own personal secret, and no one in any of the kingdoms could produce it, except for the two of them, and possibly their former business partner Inui, who wasn't exactly interested in being a tailor anymore anyway, and had run off somewhere to become a chef. Atobe was a little doubtful of the claim, especially since Yuuta had a rather guilty look on his face every time Mizuki said "special fabric" and he occasionally opened his mouth as if to say something, but was stopped every time by Mizuki, who refused to shut up.

"What sort of special fabric is it?" Atobe asked, tired of hearing how wonderful it was. There was only one thing that could be praised endlessly like that without him tiring of it -- and that, of course, was his beautiful self.

"Well, only the most noble of men can see it," Mizuki replied, twirling that damn hair around his damn finger. "You can use it to see who is trustworthy in your kingdom."

"Interesting prospect," Atobe said. "All right, you're hired. Make me robes that are worthy of my person; beautiful robes that I will wear on my next pointless procession through the kingdom."

"We will make something so lovely that even your gracious self will be able to wear it," Mizuki replied, bowing deeply. Atobe had the feeling that Mizuki might have just insulted him, but he decided not to have Kabaji kill him, because he wanted to see what kind of robes that Mizuki could come up with.

Mizuki and Yuuta worked night and day. Servants poked their heads into the workroom once in a while to make sure the tailors hadn't run away or anything, and they could always see the two hard at work at...something or other. They could never see what, because Mizuki cleverly hid what he was doing from view.

Finally, one week later, Mizuki and Yuuta emerged from the workroom. Mizuki had a satisfied smirk on his face, and Yuuta looked like all he really wanted to do was go for a nap, since Mizuki-san had kept him up for an entire week without so much as a break.

"We've finished," Mizuki announced to the emperor.

"Good. Let me see," Atobe commanded. Mizuki held up a hangar with nothing on it, and Atobe raised an eyebrow. "That is my outfit?"

"What's wrong, sire, you can't see it? I thought you were much more noble than that," Mizuki said slyly. The tone of his voice made Atobe want to slap him, but that would contaminate his person.

"No, I can't see it, but I know someone who should be able to. Kabaji, fetch me Lord Ohtori."

Kabaji replied with his usual "usu", and went to fetch the Lord Ohtori, When he arrived, Atobe told him to look at the robes that Mizuki held up. 

"There's nothing there," Lord Ohtori said, blinking at the empty hangar.

Atobe turned to Mizuki and Yuuta. "Ohtori is the most noble and pure person I could think of, so if he can't see it, no one can," he said. "I don't enjoy being ripped off, gentlemen."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mizuki said, retaining his calm.

"Kabaji, throw them in the dungeon."

Kabaji picked up each of the con artists -- er -- tailors by their collars, and hauled them off to the dungeon.

"I told you this was a bad idea, Mizuki-san," Yuuta said, with a long-suffering sigh.

"I'll get you for this!" Mizuki cried, trying to turn and shake his fist at the emperor.

The emperor took no notice of him, however. He was busy grinning at the empty hangar.

"I think I have an interesting idea," he commented to the Lord Ohtori, who was looking a little confused at the moment...

TWO DAYS LATER

News had spread throughout the kingdom about Emperor Atobe's special robes, made out of a material that only noble people could see. All were excited and a little nervous, wondering if they would be able to see these robes or not...

The annual royal procession made its way through the main streets, and the people of the kingdom, who had gathered to watch the procession (as they were expected to do) gaped as it passed. 

Atobe sat atop his portable throne, wearing nothing but a regal smile and a pair of golden silk boxers. Not a single person could see those robes, but of course, no one wanted to admit it. That is, until a child in the crowd loudly exclaimed,

"Hey, the emperor's naked!"

"No he's not, he's in his underwear!" another child retorted.

"I wish I had underwear like that!"

"Shh, dear, or we're going to be condemned! We're supposed to be able to see the robes, not his underwear!"

Atobe pretended not to hear all the comments, and enjoyed his procession more than any other before it. How he loved creating a stir!


	4. Sailor Ochibi

A/N: I get this funny feeling that my silly fics are more popular than my serious fics for some reason...I'm surprised that my sense of humor actually appeals to the general public and doesn't put them off. Well! Since you all seem to enjoy it...it will continue! Ask, and ye shall receive! I mean it! What fairy tale would you like to see next? This time -- Sailor Ochibi, as requested by beriath -- not a fairy tale per se, but a rather amusing idea anyway; followed by Beauty and the Beast, as suggested by Cityneko -- starring...well, you'll see -- and, la piece de resistance, Little Red Riding Hood, suggested by Regatto. (You may be twisted, Regatto, but I'm even MORE twisted.)

Oh, and I should mention that it's been a long time since I actually bothered to watch any Sailor Moon, and of course the only Sailor Moon I ever saw was English dub...I know a limited amount about the plot ...(I'm told there is one) ... and I'm not exactly a fan so...heh.

****

Sailor Ochibi 

"Wahahaha da ne! I'm going to make random people miserable by using dirty tricks, and no one is going to stop me, da ne!" Yanagisawa shrieked, as he wreaked major havoc on the citizens of the same town that all the bad guys always wreaked havoc in. (One has to feel sorry for those townspeople.) "Queen Mizuki will be pleased with the results this time, da ne! ...I hope...da ne." Yanagisawa shuddered at the memory of the last time he'd failed his boss. He would rather not have a repeat of that particular incident, which was why he was trying really hard to wreak havoc exactly according to Queen Mizuki's plans.

Yanagisawa used his evil magic to take over the mind of a poor, unsuspecting citizen of the town, and forced them to do a lot of crappy things, then report back to him, so he could feed off the evil energy, and enjoy the spoils of his labour. It was really fun. (da ne) Queen Mizuki really knew what he was talking about when he gave instructions. (da ne)Yanagisawa was getting ready to kill the poor unsuspecting victim (da ne) when a hero suddenly appeared...(da ne!)

"I'm here in the name of the moon...and stuff," mumbled the hero, who was clad in a school girl uniform that had a blue skirt and a giant red bow on the front of it. On his head, he wore a white baseball cap with a red "R" in the middle. What the "R" stood for, no one knew, for this hero's name was...Sailor Ochibi!

"You won't stop me this time, Sailor Ochibi! Da ne!" Yanagisawa cried. "Or Queen Mizuki will fire me da ne, and I'll be forced to work as a used car salesman, da ne!"

Sailor Ochibi shrugged. "You have the looks."

"What the hell do you mean by that, da ne?" Yanagisawa demanded.

"Madda madda da ne," Sailor Ochibi replied. He removed the baseball cap from his head, and tossed it at the now angry Yanagisawa. "Moon hat magic," he muttered. He thought the name of the attack was really stupid. He thought the whole hero act was really stupid, as a matter of fact, but he had inherited the job from his father (who definitely did not look as cute in the skirt as he did) and he had no choice in the matter. No one knew that, of course. The identity of Sailor Ochibi was a very well-kept secret. The disguise was flawless! (Of course, Sailor Ochibi's alternate identity Echizen Ryoma wore the exact same hat as Sailor Ochibi, and had worn it long before Sailor Ochibi was ever famous, but no one ever put two and two together. That is the way of things in these stories. Even crappy disguises fool people.)

The Moon Hat Magic attack hit Yanagisawa square in the face. His already ugly (or shall we say rather unpleasant) face got even more deformed as the hat connected, and his tongue was hanging out of his protruding mouth at a very odd angle.

"Aaargh, da ne!" he exclaimed in pain.

Sailor Ochibi sighed. This had all been too easy. He started to walk away...

And he felt something connect with his back.

"Take that, da ne! It's the da ne attack, da ne!" Yanagisawa cackled.

Sailor Ochibi could not move from his position on the ground. It looked like it was all over. His entire life flashed before his eyes. All twelve years of it. He remembered being potty trained...he remembered his father making him wear the school girl outfit for the first time...he remembered...that he really didn't have any memories that were worth remembering after all. 

"This is the end, da ne!"

"Not quite," a deep voice bellowed. Yanagisawa looked up, and there, floating in the air above him, was...

"Tezuka mask, da ne!" Yanagisawa gasped, as he gaped at the figure clad in a black tuxedo with a black cape, and a purple face mask that was apparently supposed to hide his identity, but did about as good a job of that as Sailor Ochibi's hat.

"That is correct," Tezuka mask replied. "Sailor Ochibi...you must never give up! You must become the pillar of Seigaku!"

From his place on the ground, Sailor Ochibi groaned. He'd heard that one far too many times. He decided to let Tezuka mask handle the situation.

Tezuka Mask used his special drop shot, and dropped a huge anvil on Yanagisawa's head.

"If you don't retreat now, I will make you run laps," Tezuka Mask threatened.

"Aaah, I've been defeated, da neee!" Yanagisawa cried. "You haven't heard the last of me, da ne!" With that, he disappeared.

"Good work, Sailor Ochibi," Tezuka Mask complimented. "Now it is time for your revelation that you are the Moon Princess, and..."

"Yadda," Sailor Ochibi said. "I don't want to be any sort of princess."

"Well then you can be the Prince of Tennis...and we'll live happily ever after together." 

"We're both men, Tezuka Mask."

"That isn't an issue."

"Not for us, but in the English dub, we'd be cousins..."

"..."

Tezuka Mask and Sailor Ochibi changed their outfits and went back into the real world as their alternate identities, and continued to fight off the evil minions of Queen Mizuki, who was, of course, trying to take over the world. Blah blah blah.

*Cue cheesy theme music*

Fighting crime by lamplight,

Winning tennis by daylight,

Never running from a bug bite,

He is the one named Sailor Ochibi...

Sailor Ochibi's got some friends...

Oh which he can't really depend...

They're a bit of a strange brand...

And their names are...

"Sailor Momo!"

"Sailor Eiji, nya!"

"Sailor Oishi...ahem."

"Sailor Taka-san! BURNING!"

"Sailor Fuji."

"Sailor Kaido, ssss."

"Sailor Inui...ii data..."

...who never got to appear in this story because the author couldn't quite fathom the thought of a few of them (namely Inui) in the school girl outfit...

And the main character's called Sailor Ochibi!

He is the one...Sailor Ochibi!


	5. Beauty and the Beast

****

Beauty and the Beast

Dan Taichi was unhappy in his boring and pokey town. He moped around a lot, thinking about how all he really wanted was a bit of an adventure in the great wide world once in a while. Everyone in the town thought he was weird because of his ambitions...and because his headband was too big, but he refused to get one his size because it had some kind of sentimental value or something.

Dan Taichi wanted adventure, but he wasn't exactly wishing for the sort of adventure that he eventually got.

One dark and stormy night (naturally) his father ventured out of town to go and sell some of his revolutionary new invention (which he named the "toilet"...it wasn't catching on in their town, but he knew it was going to be big one day!) and he didn't return. Dan Taichi became incredibly worried, and ventured into the dark and gloomy forest to find out what had become of his poor lost father.

Well, soon Dan Taichi became a poor, lost son, since he knew nothing about tracking. It was purely by chance that he came across the gigantic and very foreboding castle, and decided to go inside and see if anyone there had seen his father. The fact that the castle was foreboding did not seem to have any effect on the cheerful boy.

The door was so enormous that the short Dan Taichi had difficulty reaching the door knocker, but after a few tries, he finally jumped high enough and banged it. The door opened, but there was no one on the other side. 

Dan Taichi stepped inside timidly, and peered into the gloom.

"Who dares enter my castle?" a voice demanded.

"Um...Dan Taichi desu. I am looking for my poor lost father, desu. Have you seen him...desu?"

"He's in my dungeon," the voice replied, "Which is where you'll be in about two seconds if you don't get the hell out of my house!"

"Um...I'd like him back, desu..."

"No! He dared to enter my house without knocking! I will never forgive him!"

"I see, desu." Dan Taichi tried to think of how exactly he was going to reason with this voice that it would be a good idea to release his father, but he didn't have any really good ideas. In fact, he didn't have any ideas at all.

"Hey, he could be the one to break the spell!" a different (and much nicer) voice piped up.

"Shut up!" the first voice retorted. 

Dan Taichi began to look around for where the voices were coming from. His search led him into the next room, and he blinked at the sight before him.

A very tall and scary man with white hair that stood on end was glaring at a more cheerful-looking guy with bright orange hair. The orange-haired gentlemen was not exactly an average human being however, considering the fact that his head was attached to a table, and he had no lower half.

"Hello!" the orange-haired man/table exclaimed upon seeing Dan Taichi. "Why don't you fall in love with Akutsu already so that I can be a human again?"

Dan Taichi blinked. "Pardon me, desu?"

"He was put under a spell by an wizard when he beat the crap out of him...something about how he needed to learn some humility or something. Only true love will break the spell," the orange-haired table explained. He would have shrugged, if he'd had shoulders to shrug with.

"Shut up, Sengoku!" Akutsu, the grey-haired man, exclaimed.

"Why are you a table?" Dan Taichi asked Sengoku, the table-man.

"Because I was one of the lodgers in this castle when the spell was put on it," Sengoku replied with a sigh. "Wrong place wrong time I guess."

"Then what's wrong with you?" Dan Taichi asked Akutsu.

"Isn't it obvious? He's a monster!" Sengoku said. Akutsu kicked the back of his head, and told him to shut up once again.

"Ano...what if I stay here instead of my father, desu? Would you let him go then? Desu."

Akutsu gave Dan Taichi a very scary glare, which involved one of his eyes bugging out of his head. Dan Taichi remained where he was, unmoved by it.

"Fine," Akutsu finally replied. "I'll let him go, but you have to become my servant."

"Okay, desu."

And so Akutsu released Dan Taichi's father, and Dan Taichi became Akutsu's personal assistant. Akutsu treated him much like a speck of dirt, but Dan Taichi didn't let that bother him. He was Akutsu's servant for the sake of his father! Akutsu's harshness cracked after a little while, probably something to do with the constant innocent expression on Dan Taichi's face and his incessant "desu"ing. 

One month later, Sengoku the table again became Sengoku the man, and he walked off into the sunset to live happily ever after and meet some people who wouldn't get him cursed (and he became very luck ever after). The curse had been broken!

"Ano, why didn't your appearance change, desu?" Dan Taichi asked Akutsu, as they watched Sengoku walk away.

Akutsu shrugged.

"Do you have any pictures of you before the curse, desu?"

Akutsu reached into his pocket, and produced a photograph, which Dan Taichi inspected carefully. He didn't say anything, but it was really no wonder he hadn't changed back. The beast Akutsu was a definite improvement over the mushroom-cut-bearing Akutsu of the past!

~fin~


	6. Little Red Bandana

****

Little Red Bandana

Kaido was a happy, if somewhat scary little boy. Some called him Little Red Bandana, for the red bandana he always wore; some called him Mamushi, for the hissing noise he made...and those who valued their lives called him simply Kaido.

One day, his mother entrusted him with a basket of fruit to take to his ailing grandma. He jogged through the forest, making sure to keep to the path as his mother had instructed. A little while later, he came across a rather strange sight. It was a wolf, wearing a pair of glasses that were so thick that Kaido couldn't see the eyes behind them.

"Where are you going, little boy?" the wolf asked.

"None of your business, sss," Kaido replied, narrowing his already narrowed eyes.

"Hm..." the wolf produced a notebook out of thin air, and wrote something down in it. "Judging by that basket of fruit, I would say you are on your way to your ailing grandmother's house. Am I correct?"

Kaido hissed in reply.

"My name is Inui. What's yours?"

"Ssss."

"You must be Kaido, the one people call Mamushi...according to my data...Perhaps I should come along as your bodyguard. There are dangerous animals out there, you know." Kaido did not comment that Inui was one of those dangerous animals himself. Instead, he turned and ran in the other direction, not trusting the wolf an ounce.

Inui watched Kaido run away with a scary grin on his face. Since he was a wolf, the grin included a lot of very sharp teeth. His glasses glinted in the sun. He was planning something...

Kaido reached grandma's an hour later, having been forced to take the long way around to avoid the wolf Inui, who made him very uneasy for some reason. Wolves did not usually frighten him, but for some reason a wolf in glasses was just...wrong.

"I'm here, granny," Kaido announced, as he kicked off his shoes. He brought the basket of fruit into his granny's bedroom, and set it beside her bed.

"Yes, yes, come closer dear..." his granny said. Kaido's eyebrows raised a little at the sound of her voice. It was about fifteen times deeper than usual. It must be her cold, affecting her throat that way.

"Why are you wearing glasses, granny?" Kaido asked suspiciously. His grandma never wore glasses...and these glasses were an ounce too familiar.

"The better to see you with, my dear."

"Why are you holding a notebook?"

"The better to record ii data with, my dear."

Kaido crossed his arms over his chest. "Inui, why are you wearing my granny's nightgown and sleeping in her bed?"

"The better to try and fool you with, Kaido," the wolf Inui replied, wearing a very strange grin.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, you didn't seem to want to talk to me in the forest, so I decided I would come and talk to you here."

"What have you done with granny?"

"I gave her one of my healing potions."

"Healing potions?"

Right on cue, Kaido heard a loud groan coming from the next room. He dashed out to find his grandma, sprawled out on the couch.

"Granny! Granny, hang in there!" he cried, rushing to her side. She hiccuped.

"What an awful taste..." she said, shuddering. "But...my cold seems to be gone!"

"There, you see? My healing potions are always one hundred percent effective," the wolf Inui said, nodding his head.

Kaido glared at him.

"Why did you want to talk to me?"

"Well, I am a wolf after all, so...I was thinking that I could have you for dinner." Inui licked his lips. "You do look rather tasty." 

Kaido told the wolf Inui to get lost and eat someone else. Inui looked disappointed. Many naughty fangirls had many naughty thoughts, and then the rejected Inui left the house, shoulders sagging.

"That wasn't very nice of you, dear," Kaido's grandma commented.

Kaido shrugged. "Sss," he said. Then he walked back home, taking the long way once again.

The wolf Inui bothered him many more times, quite incessantly in fact -- for any reason he could think of... but that's another story


	7. Momo and the Beanstalk

A/N: I don't really want to do Snow White because they actually parodied that in the show (episode sixty four is such a beautiful episode, don't you think?). It would be fun, but I'll try other things instead...I don't know how long I can keep up the silliness. I guess we'll see! Depending on how many ideas I get...

Also, it seems that there is a great demand for Fuji to star in one of these things -- but I can't think of a good roll to stick him in!! So any suggestions would be appreciated, if you really wanna see some Fuji action...

Now, without further ado, I present to you...

****

Momo and the Beanstalk

Long ago, there lived a boy named Momo, who lived with his mother, the aging Ryuzaki Sumire. They were quite poor, and it just so happened that their only cow was not giving out any milk.

So, Ryuzaki sent her only son (who was a bit lazy and useless) out to sell the cow.

"Don't sell him for any less than twelve dollars!" she warned him, "Or you're not getting any dinner for the next two years!"

Momo, being rather fond of dinner, decided to take the warning very seriously. He led Old Betsy down to the marketplace. It pained him to have to sell her, since Old Betsy was really his only friend. The other boys refused to play with Momo since his family was so poor, and they wanted nothing to do with him. It was sad, really.

No one really wanted to buy Old Betsy, Momo found. He was beginning to despair of ever getting his twelve dollars, when a merchant beckoned to him. Momo was a little wary of the booth this particular merchant ran. It seemed to be some sort of magical healing potion thing, one of those scams that people were so into nowadays.

"Listen, child, I will give you five of these magic beans for that cow you've been lugging around," the merchant said. He looked like a kind sort, although there was something unusual about the way his very thick glasses glinted in the sun.

"Magic beans? I don't know if Ma would appreciate that," Momo said, a bit sceptically.

"Well, I don't think you're going to get any more than that from anyone else around here," the merchant pointed out. Momo knew that was true, so he accepted the magic beans.

"Plant them in your backyard, and I guarantee results within twenty-four hours," the merchant said. "Have fun."

Momo trudged back home, knowing full well that his mother was going to give him crap for this. 

Which she did.

"Momo, you fool! I told you to get money for Old Betsy, not beans! These won't even feed us!" With that, Ryuzaki Sumire threw the beans out of the window.

"Aw, Ma...That was all I could get," Momo protested. His mother would hear none of it, and sent him to bed.

When Momo awoke in the morning and looked out of the window, he was surprised to find that there wan an abnormally large beanstalk in the middle of his yard, where the previous day there had been none. 

"I guess the salesman wasn't joking," he commented to his mother. "Well, I'm going to climb that thing and see where it leads."

"Be careful, Momo, and be back by early afternoon so we can get the chores done."

"Okay, Ma."

Momo climbed the gigantic beanstalk. It took him two hours to get to the top, which was located somewhere in the big blue sky. In fact, it should have taken far longer than two hours, but it was a magical beanstalk after all.

He stepped onto a fluffy cloud gingerly, fully expecting it to be made up of moisture, like he'd learned in science class, but this particular cloud was as solid as the ground below.

Before Momo stood a big and beautiful castle. It was as abnormally sized as the beanstalk had been, and he wondered just how tall the person living there really was. He dared to venture inside, but slipping through the crack at the bottom of the door.

Inside, he found...treasure. Heaps and heaps of gleaming golden treasure. To a poor boy, it was heaven...

But it belonged to someone else, and stealing was against Momo's principles. He was about to turn around and go home, when he heard a deep booming voice.

"Fee fi fo fum...I smell the blood of a...tennis player!" 

Momo's eyes grew very wide as a very, very large person stepped into the room. He scrambled out of the way so that the giant did not step on him and squash him.

"I love tennis players! They make a fine stew! Where are you, my little tennis player?"

Momo gulped. The giant wanted to eat him for dinner! That wasn't a very good sign. He peered at the giant from his hiding place. The giant had a rather scary facial expression...a constant smile. He was pretty old, judging by the wrinkles.

"Come out to Banji, tennis player!" the giant bellowed.

Momo did not feel like obeying that request. He had no desire to be eaten. He began to sneak out the back way, when he heard a voice.

"Hey! You there!"

He froze.

"Take me with you!"

Momo looked around for the owner of the voice, but saw nothing but a some treasure...

"Look at the harp, you twit!"

Ah, so it was a talking harp! Wonders never ceased.

"I was put under a spell by the giant...if you take me with you, you won't regret it later," the harp said.

Momo decided that taking the harp was a good idea -- because if he left it here it would probably tell the giant where he was. He grabbed it, and ran as fast as he could outside and began descending the beanstalk.

"Hey! You stole my harp!" Banji the giant exclaimed. He spotted the retreating Momo, who to him looked like a tiny fly, and reached down to pluck him off of the beanstalk...

But Momo was too fast. He blew a raspberry at Banji, and then continued on his way. Banji started to climb down after him, and Momo got a little worried.

When he reached the bottom, he took the axe and hacked the beanstalk down. Banji collapsed a few miles south, to the amazement and fear of the village down there.

"I've brought home a golden harp, Ma!" Momo announced, holding up his prize. 

Which at that moment decided to turn into a very beautiful man with a beauty mark under his eye.

"Well, it's quite unsatisfying to be rescued by the likes of you, but there is no help for it," he sighed. "My name is Atobe and I am the Prince of a land that is very rich and beautiful...and since you are my savior, you have the pleasure of coming there with me and being showered in gifts and gold and enough treasure to satisfy even the most greedy of men."

That sounded just fine to Momo. He and his mother packed up their things, and left with Atobe the next morning.

As for Banji? Well, he happened to come across a very strange looking merchant wearing very thick glasses, who persuaded him to try a free sample of a special new sports drink, which caused him to shrink to a normal human size, and he lived very normally ever after...and never ate people ever again.  
  
THE END


	8. Rapunzel

****

Rapunzel

Once upon a time, a woman was pregnant. That isn't unusual in itself, but she demanded of her husband to go to the neighbour's garden and steal some of her special plants to make a stew with. The husband, being meek and mousy, agreed to her request, even though the neighbour happened to be a very scary witch who would most likely put some kind of curse on them after this.

He climbed the large and barbed wire fence, injuring himself many times in the process, and made his way to the garden.

A huge spotlight shone on him, and he blinked into the bright light.

"What do you think you are doing?" boomed a very annoyed voice.

"Um...my wife wanted some..."

"Well, you should have asked my permission first, you fool! Now you must face the consequences of your actions! When your first child is born, she will become my daughter! Mwahahaha!"

Three months later, the woman gave birth to a lovely baby boy, which disappointed the witch, since he'd wanted a daughter, but he still took the child anyway.

The witch was a good mother, but he was a little bit strict. As the boy grew into a lovely young man, the witch became increasingly worried that some young hooligan was going to come along and try to marry him.

"Now, Shisido my dear," the witch said one day, "I want to protect your heart from all the delinquents out there."

"But Mom..." Shishido whined, "I won't lose my freaking heart to anyone, I've told you that before..."

"I don't want any arguments!" the witch (did I mention that his name is Mizuki?) said firmly. "You never know when you're going to fall in love...and I don't want you to have to go through that pain. So I'm going to stick you at the top of a dark and gloomy tower, and the only way I'll be able to get up there is by climbing your long beautiful silky hair."

"Aw, Mom..." Shishido whined again.

"Be quiet, dear."

So the witch Mizuki stuck his son up in a dark and gloomy tower, and brought him food three times a day, delivering it by climbing up the long silky hair that Shishido prided himself on. It was a little painful to have his hair used as a ladder, but Shishido did need to eat, so he suffered through it.

One day, Sir Ohtori of Hyoutei happened to be riding through the forest, on his way back home from his latest adventure. He heard something lovely; the sound of a beautiful boy, cursing. He followed that sound until he reached the tall gloomy tower in the middle of nowhere.

"What are you doing up there?" he asked the beautiful boy in the tower.

Shishido, glad at seeing someone other than Mizuki for once, told his sad story to the knight. The knight was touched. He promised to come and see Shishido every day, to keep him company.

Shishido really enjoyed those visits, and he found himself falling for the sweet Sir Ohtori, against his will of course -- but there was no helping it. 

A few weeks later, the witch Mizuki -- bored with his latest attempt to kidnap an Elf called Yuuta from the mystical Fuji Forest -- found Sir Ohtori talking to Shishido.

"What do you think you are doing, you delinquent?" Mizuki demanded. "No one is allowed to talk to my daughter but me!"

"I'm a son, not a daughter!" Shishido yelled.

"Well, you call me 'Mom', so I'm just getting back at you!" Mizuki retorted. "Now get out of here, whoever you are!"

"My name is Sir Ohtori, and I don't want to leave. I've fallen in love with Shishido-san, and I want to take him away from here," he said, in a quiet but firm voice.

"Nooo!" Mizuki cried.

"Yes!" Shishido said. "I've had enough of your stupidity, Ma!" With that, he chopped off his long, beautiful hair. "You're never coming up here again!"

Mizuki ran off, crying.

Sir Ohtori blinked. "That was a nice show, but...Now how is anyone going to bring you food?"

Shishido cursed for a while, then he decided to just give up and go for it -- meaning, he jumped out the window, trusting Sir Ohtori to catch him. Which he did, without too much of a problem -- since the tower was only about two stories high, anyway.

Sir Ohtori galloped off with the now short-haired Shishido in tow, and they lived happily ever after.

Mizuki didn't, because Fuji Forest was really very overprotective of its Elf...


	9. The Princess and the Pea

A/N: Everybody, shake it, buddy! Dance, dance, dance! (er, sorry -- FAKE moment) Anyway, I'm so glad everyone is enjoying my stupidity! Raar! (wrong noise?) Ah -- I want to take a moment for self-promotion.

I think a few of you who are reading this actually read "Chains of Blood" -- vampire fic (woo) and I just wanted to mention that I started posting the first sequel -- the first two parts (out of five) are up. It's called "Bitten and Bound" and it's the Atobe-sama fic. Soon as that's done, the Oishi x Eiji fic (Reunions) is going up. Then, we'll see.

Right. Now, I think I heard someone calling for a little Princess and the Pea...

****

The Princess and the Pea

There once was a prince who was very unlucky with relationships. He was called Tezuka, and his face looked as though it had been carved from stone. Nothing short of disaster could move the man enough to show a hint of concern; nothing short of a miracle could make a smile appear on that face. Everyone in the kingdom was afraid of him.

It just so happened that this particular prince was in need of a wife, because pretty soon, he would become the king -- and he needed a queen. Since he was so scary, none of the princesses nearby wanted to marry him. So, Tezuka's mother devised a plan. She would start taking in random girls off the street, and make them sleep on a pile of one hundred mattresses, with a pea underneath. If the girl could feel the pea through those one hundred mattresses, then she was indeed spoiled enough to be an actual princess, and that peasant girl would be forced to marry prince Tezuka whether she liked it or not.

Tezuka himself was unaware of this plan. He spent most of his time sitting in his personal gardens, sipping tea and enjoying the aroma of the flowers. If he had known what his mother was planning, he would have used his very rock-like face to scare her into stopping.

The queen of the realm went through many, many peasant girls, none of which could feel the pea under the one hundred mattresses. One particular peasant girl even declined sleeping on top of the mattresses. She slept on the floor. She was the least princess-like girl that the queen had ever met. She threw her out instantly.

The queen began to despair that her son would never have a wife. She fretted over this for many, many weeks until...one night, a boy appeared at her door.

He was a very beautiful boy, and while he was not really feminine, it was true that he was pretty enough to be a princess -- and he had the proper beauty mark on his face.

"It's raining out," the boy said, "So let ore-sama sleep in your castle."

Well, his attitude excited the queen. She permitted the pretty boy entrance (even though she should have had him hanged for talking to a ruler like that) and on a whim, she told him he could sleep atop the hundred mattresses.

"Ore-sama does not want to climb the ladder," he sniffed, turning up his nose. He was quite stuck-up for a peasant. The queen was getting more hopeful by the moment. She had one of her servants carry him up, and tuck him into bed.

In the morning, she invited the boy to breakfast. 

"That was the worst sleep ore-sama has ever had," he complained. "It felt like there were rocks in the mattress!"

The queen squealed in delight. "You are truly a princess!" she exclaimed. 

"A princess? Oh no, ore-sama was born to be a king..." the boy said, "But by a mistake of birth, I have gone through life as a mere peasant. It's quite disgusting, really."

The queen dragged the boy off to meet her son. Tezuka's expression never changed, even when his mother announced that this boy was to be his wife. She made an announcement later that day that the prince was finally getting married. (In fact, inside, he was quite angry that his mother had gone behind his back to find him a wife -- but he knew that he would not find a wife otherwise...he really didn't want to get married anyway, but...he supposed it was necessary for the kingdom, and all that. Sigh)

The boy (whose name was, of course, Atobe) was outraged, however, that this woman would assume he was willing to marry Tezuka without even asking his permission. He ranted for about three hours, until the queen managed to interrupt him, and ask if he was willing to marry her son. Atobe said that he would think about it.

Three weeks later, Tezuka and Atobe were married and became the king and queen of the realm, and of course, lived happily ever after...Or something of the sort. Tezuka was impossible to live with because he was really quite boring, and Atobe was just plain impossible, period...And when they were expected to produce an heir, they ran into a bit of a problem...but that's another story, and one that no one wants to hear about, because it's fairly disturbing.

  
THE END


	10. FlippyLocks and the Three Buchous

A/N: I will do the Snow Queen, since it's the only Fuji idea so far, demo -- I don't know the story that well. In fact, I can't remember anything at all. So, I guess I'll do some research, and you'll be seeing that in a couple of days -- And now for the next request... 'twas supposed to be The Redhead and the Three Buchous -- however...I altered the title a wee bit...heh.

****

FlippyLocks and the Three Buchous

There were once three buchous who lived in a small cottege in a forest. The Papa-Buchou was a very strict and stoic buchou, who liked to make people run laps. His name was Tezuka. The Mama-Buchou was a very pretty and rather self-centered buchou called Atobe. The Baby-Buchou was always very loud and just a little annoying, but very cute bear named Aoi.

One morning, they sat down to eat their porridge.

"Hn," said Tezuka-Buchou.

"This porridge is much to disgusting for the likes of ore-sama!" announced Atobe-Buchou, turning up his nose.

"I WANT TO PLAY TENNIS," said Aoi-Buchou, jumping up and down in his seat.

So, the happy family decided to go for a walk and play some tennis in a clearing down the way.

While they were out, a very curious youngster came across the cottage in the forest, and peered inside. He was called FlippyLocks, due to his very flippy red locks. His real name was Kikumaru Eiji.

Well, being as curious as he was, he decided to go inside. Not really realizing that this was construed as breaking and entering, FlippyLocks smashed one of the windows, and jumped inside the house.

He saw some porridge at the table, so he decided to try it. He tried Tezuka-Buchou's porridge first. 

"This porridge is too sour!" he said, making a face. Next, he tried Atobe-Buchou's porridge.

"This porridge is too sweet!" he said, making another face. He moved on to Aoi-Buchou's porridge.

"Ah! This porridge is too weird!" he cried, spitting it back out into the dish. He moved on to explore the house, and he came across a rec room. He decided to try out Tezuka-Buchou's workout machines.

"This is too much like hard labour," he said, and he moved on to Atobe-Buchou's nail salon. 

"This is way to frilly," he decided, and went to play with Aoi-Buchou's sound system.

"Ah! This is way to LOUD!" he cried. He couldn't find the stop button, so he unplugged the speakers, and then went to find something else to do.

That was when he discovered the bedrooms. He realized he was kind of tired, and thought it would be a good time to have a nap. He lay down in Tezuka-Buchou's bed first.

"This bed is too hard!" he complained. He tried Atobe-Buchou's bed. 

"This bed is too soft!" And so, of course, he moved on to Aoi-Buchou's bed.

"This bed...will have to do," he said, with a yawn, and he fell asleep immediately.

A few hours later, the three buchous arrived home. As soon as they entered their house, they knew something wasn't right.

"Hn," said Tezuka-Buchou, upon seeing his porridge.

"Someone touched ore-sama's porridge!" Atobe-Buchou exclaimed, as though it was the biggest tragedy in the world.

"SOMEONE SPIT IN MY BOWL," Aoi-Buchou said.

They exchanged looks, and went to their rec-room.

"..." Tezuka-Buchou said, when he saw the messed-up state of his workout machines.

"Aaaah! Someone played with ore-sama's nail salon! The fiends!" Atobe-Buchou sobbed.

"SOMEONE UNPLUGGED MY SPEAKERS," Aoi-Buchou said.

The exchanged looks once again, and moved on to the bedrooms.

"!" Tezuka-Buchou said, when he saw the state of his bed.

"Someone dared to lie in ore-sama's bed! Now I have to sterilize it!" Atobe-Buchou exclaimed angrily.

"SOMEONE IS SLEEPING IN MY BED RIGHT NOW. HE'S KIND OF CUTE. MAYBE HE LIKES TO PLAY TENNIS," Aoi-Buchou said excitedly.

Tezuka-Buchou stood in the doorway, glaring. Atobe-Buchou advanced on the sleeping FlippyLocks.

"Those who invade ore-sama's space shall pay!" Atobe-Buchou cried. FlippyLocks awoke to see a monster with dripping fangs looming over him. He emitted a very loud screech which sounded something like "UNYAAAAAAAAA!" and ran out of the house as fast as he could.

"Twenty laps!" Tezuka-Buchou called out after him, but FlippyLocks was already gone.

"I WANTED TO PLAY TENNIS WITH HIM," Aoi-Buchou said, a little disappointed.

"We have to move now," Atobe-Buchou said. "This house is now contaminated."

So the three buchous packed up and moved to Japan, where...well, you know.


	11. The Snow Queen

A/N: Okay. I found a version of the Snow Queen and it seemed...complicated...to my very simple mind. Here is my best attempt...I hope you like it. Heh. Ah -- and to Rumiko Nadajima -- I don't know the story you mentioned...but it sounds like it would be interesting...

I realize that Atobe appears quite often in these -- but I love him so much, and it's such fun to make fun of him, really.

****

The Snow Queen

Once upon a time, there was a very depressed fanfiction author who found that the tale requested was a lot longer than she'd thought at first, because she hadn't bothered to check ahead until she was part way through writing the story -- and so, she had to continue.

This story began with a rather wicked sprite, who was called Mizuki. Mizuki, for reasons best known only to him, created a mirror that made things look far more ugly than they really were. It made even the most beautiful bishonen look hideous.

Mizuki went to a sprite school, and all his classmates thought the mirror was pretty cool, and reflected the true nature of the world. So, they ran around with it, and made everything look pretty crappy. Unfortunately, one of the clumsier sprites, by the name of Dan Taichi, dropped the mirror and it broke into a bazillion pieces. When these shards entered a human's eye, then to that human everything appeared ugly -- and when they entered a human's heart...well, look out!

Mizuki thought it was all terribly amusing, and he laughed and he laughed like a great idiot.

There lived a little boy and another little boy who looked a bit like a little girl, who were not brother and sister, since neither of them was indeed a girl, but they loved each other much like a pair of siblings might; at least, it was that way when they were very young, as they are when we first encounter them. Their names were Tezuka and Fuji, Fuji being the little boy who looked almost like a little girl. 

Tezuka lived with his lovely old grandmother, who told him stories every night before bed. One winter's night, Tezuka peered out the window to see a terrible snow storm, and his grandmother told him that the white bees were gathering...and Tezuka asked if those bees had a queen. The grandmother replied that yes, they did; the Snow Queen. Tezuka made a comment about how if the Snow Queen ever tried to come in the house, he'd stick her in the oven so she'd melt...and grandma thought that was a bit violent, so she decided to tell him a different story instead.

Later that night, when all was quiet, Tezuka climbed up on a chair and peeked out the window. In his very own backyard, he saw a beautiful figure dressed all in white, as if the outfit was made of the snowflakes themselves...Tezuka knew at once it must be the Snow Queen, but he was a bit curious as to why exactly the Snow Queen was a (rather attractive) male. 

The Snow Queen beckoned to young Tezuka, who became frightened and fell off his chair. That beckoning reminded him of the horror stories he'd heard about the beckoning of Death...

Summer came again, quite quickly in fact, and Fuji and Tezuka walked hand in hand through a flower garden. At exactly five o'clock, just as their stomachs were rumbling for dinner, Tezuka felt a sharp stabbing pain in his eye, and a similar sharp stabbing pain in his heart.

"Ouch," he said.

"What's wrong?" Fuji asked.

"Something in my eye," Tezuka mumbled, rubbing at it. It didn't hurt anymore, so he thought it was gone, but unbeknownst to him, he had a shard of the evil Mizuki mirror in both his eye and his heart! (Poor bloke) He looked at the flowers with distaste, for now, they were horrendously ugly. 

"Yuck...the flowers are ugly. And...so are you," he said, and he walked away, leaving a confused and worried Fuji behind.

Afterwards, Tezuka became a rather unpleasant little boy. He made fun of anyone and everyone he knew, even Fuji, who was his very best friend. It was very upsetting. Before, Tezuka had always been a very quiet and good little boy, but now he was a major pain in the -- neck. 

He began to grow an odd fascination with the snow, which seemed much more beautiful than anything else for some reason -- much more perfect. He went out to play in that snow on a sledge with a bunch of other children. (Not Fuji, he was mad at Tezuka for being such a jerk, so he was refusing to speak to him for a while.) Well, a big sledge drove by and the driver, who was dressed all in white (which should have given Tezuka a clue) grabbed hold of Tezuka, and kidnapped him! 

Poor Tezuka was frightened, but the sledge was going so fast that he could do nothing but hang on for his life.

When they arrived at their destination, the driver revealed himself as -- of course -- the Snow Queen. He gave Tezuka a dazzling kiss that made him forget about everything, even his dear friend Fuji. 

Tezuka got a look of admiration in his eyes -- quite uncharacteristic of the stoic boy -- and he pledged himself to the Snow Queen, who was quite pleased with all of this, and told Tezuka to call him Atobe.

Fuji was growing more and more worried with each passing day. Seasons changed, and still there was no sign of Tezuka. He'd disappeared one winter's night...

Fuji missed him terribly, so he decided to go looking for him. He somehow decided it was a good idea to jump in a random boat and float down the river (although why, I can not say, because I really do not know) and so he did just that. The boat went as though it had a mind of its own, which it probably did, since this is a fairy tale after all.

The little boat took Fuji to a rather quaint little cottage, where he met a strange old woman who called herself Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki listened to Fuji's tale about Tezuka, then took Fuji inside and promptly cast a spell on him -- because Ryuzaki desperately wanted a daughter, but she had none -- and Fuji was the closest she was ever going to come. It wasn't ever day that children were thrown to her down the river -- so a boy would have to do! So, Fuji forgot everything except for the fact that he was still bitter over an incident involving his little brother...he even forgot about Tezuka!

After a few days, however, Fuji began to think that there was something he was forgetting. Every time he saw a flower, he thought of...something...Until, it finally hit him!

"Tezuka!"

He spoke to the flowers, who for some reason had voices, and they told Fuji to have hope and keep looking. They told him lots of really complicated little stories that were supposedly clues, but only baffled Fuji to the point where he felt like throttling the bloody things. He cursed them all, and then ran out into the world where hopefully he would find Tezuka...somewhere.

During Fuji's travels, he met a raven, who told him a long and complicated story about a prince who sought a wife -- and who finally found one, through a complicated selection process. The way the raven described it made Fuji think that this wife could possibly be Tezuka -- since the person in question was quiet and stoic. So, the raven led Fuji away to the kingdom, where Fuji called out Tezuka's name, and got no reply -- only to realize that the wife of the prince was a male, oh yes -- but definitely not Tezuka.

Fuji found it all very sad and began to cry. The Prince and other Prince heard his cries, and asked what was wrong. Fuji told them his very sad tale, and they sympathized with him.

They gave Fuji a bed for the night, and after introducing themselves as Prince Hiroshi and the other Prince Kajimoto -- they sent little Fuji to bed. Fuji, being exhausted, slept like a log through the entire night.

In the morning, Prince Hiroshi offered Fuji a permanent place in the palace, but Fuji declined. He needed to find his friend Tezuka. That was the most important thing. He asked Prince Hiroshi if he would mind terribly lending him a carriage -- but Prince Hiroshi did not mind at all. In fact, he also gave Fuji some clothes and food and a tennis racket, to pass the time with. Fuji bid the Princes and the raven farewell, and continued on his journey to find the missing Tezuka.

Unfortunately for Fuji, his new carriage was pretty fancy, and some robbers attacked him. The lead robber (who, in the original Snow Queen, was an ugly woman described as having a beard and something akin to a unibrow -- and in this story shall be called Horio) though that he might have the poor Fuji for dinner, but his kid bit him a few times and put him off the idea.

Horio's kid, who was called Yanagisawa, told the robbers to spare the life of little Fuji, and since Yanagisawa was a spoiled brat, they agreed. Yanagisawa rode with Fuji, and they chatted for a while. Fuji related his sad tale about Tezuka, and Yanagisawa began to feel very sympathetic, da ne. However, he was still a robber kid, and not a very nice one, so he told Fuji that if he didn't please him -- he would kill Fuji with his very sharp knife, da ne.

They arrived at the robber castle, and Fuji was forced to sleep in the same room, and indeed the same bed, as the robber child Yanagisawa. His snore was a very loud and constant "da ne" and Fuji had one hell of a time sleeping.

As Fuji lay there in that bed, some birds called down to her. They'd seen Tezuka! He'd been riding with the Snow Queen (who incidentally had killed all their siblings by blowing on them with his chilly -- and probably minty -- breath). The birds gave Fuji some clues as to where the Snow Queen might be -- then Yanagisawa awoke and told Fuji to shut up or else, da ne!

In the morning, Yanagisawa was apparently in a really good mood, for he gave Fuji his handy reindeer, some food, and some gloves that he stole from his mom, and a tennis ball to go with the racket that Prince Hiroshi had given him.

"Good luck with Tezuka, da ne!" Yanagisawa said cheerfully. Fuji thanked him, and spurred the reindeer onward.

Well, Fuji and the dear old reindeer soon came upon a rather pathetic cottage, where they met an old woman, who incidentally was called Ryuzaki; since there were not many other old woman that the poor fanfiction author could think of. She directed them to the cottage of an old man (not an old woman as in the original story, because there can only be so many Ryuzakis, you know) across the way, who would be able to direct them to the Snow Queen, maybe.

The old man was called Banji, and he lived in a very very hot little house, and went around almost naked. Fuji was a little disturbed by the sight of this at first, but covered his eyes and went inside, for he had no choice but to talk to this old man.

Banji listened to his tale, with a thoughtful smile on his face. In fact, if one looked closely enough, there was a very scary resemblance between Banji and Fuji, and the smile that each constantly wore, no matter what their mood, and the constant closed state of their eyes...When Fuji grew old, he might well look a lot like Banji. 

At this point, the reindeer decided to speak up and asked Banji to make a potion for Fuji so that Fuji could defeat the Snow Queen. Banji took the reindeer aside and told him that Tezuka in fact had glass shards from the mirror of Doom in his eye and his heart, and defeating the Snow Queen would do squat if those weren't removed first. The reindeer begged and pleaded for a potion still -- but Banji pointed out that Fuji had gotten this far without one, so therefore he was either very strong -- or very cunning and manipulative...or both. The reindeer shuddered when he considered that. It was all too true.

So, Banji gave them directions to the Snow Queen's place, and without further ado, Fuji and the trusty reindeer (whose name could have been Rudolph, for all we know) made their way to the Snow Queen's not-so-humble abode.

The Snow Queen's palace was pretty bleak and quite cold, but Tezuka didn't notice because he was still dwelling on that amazing kiss that the Snow Queen Atobe had given him quite a long time ago. He was perfectly content living with the Snow Queen; at least he felt that he was perfectly content. He'd forgotten everything else he'd ever known, and so he could not remember how happy he'd been with his dear friend Fuji.

One day, the Snow Queen decided to go out, and left Tezuka to his own devices. It was then that Fuji arrived at the palace, saw Tezuka, and cried out with joy. He ran to Tezuka, and the world moved in slow motion, as befitting to this dramatic moment.

"Teeezzzuuukaaaa!" Fuji cried, and threw himself at his long-lost friend, hugging him as he had never hugged him before. Fuji was not usually such an emotional person, but he had been searching for so long and had endured so much that he simply couldn't help himself...

But through all of this, Tezuka remained unmoved.

Fuji shook him, and tried to talk to him, but Tezuka just stared at him with vacant eyes. He did not recognize Fuji at all.

Fuji became sufficiently angry. He glared at Tezuka with wide-open blue eyes, and yelled at him -- and still, it did no good.

And then, poor little Fuji burst into tears and cried all over Teuzka. Well, this had the desired effect. Tezuka's heart, which by now was a lump of ice, melted. It was a painful process, but it did him good in the end. The splinter dissolved...and then he recognized Fuji.

"Tezuka. I missed you," Fuji whispered.

Well, this made even the very stoic Tezuka feel a tiny bit emotional. A single tear managed to escape his eye (though he denied it ever afterwards, being the tough guy that he was) and the splinter escaped with it. 

Tezuka looked about him, a bit confused. He had no idea where he was. Fuji told him he'd been kidnapped by the Snow Queen quite a while ago, and had been living here since then. Tezuka, who had been living under a haze for all of this time, came fully to his senses. He was still cold though, and didn't warm up until Fuji kissed him -- a rather long and lingering kiss, more than was necessary, but -- what the hell. It was a good excuse. 

They walked hand in hand out of the Snow Queen's palace, to the reindeer -- who carried them away...

Tezuka and Fuji went to see Banji, who congratulated them on a job well done, and baked them a congratulatory cake. After that, they went to see Ryuzaki2, who was quite pleased that Fuji had succeeded, and wished them well. There, they said goodbye to the reindeer, and they traveled some more. They met with Yanagisawa, who had opened up a lemonade stand, and had given up the robber business.

"Nice to see you again, da ne!" he said to Fuji. "Oh, and your friend is so cute! I'm glad you succeeded! I hope you live happily ever after, da ne!"

Next, Fuji took Tezuka to meet Prince Hiroshi and Prince Kajimoto -- who were delighted to see that Fuji was all right, and that he had succeeded.

They continued on their journey home, and by the time they arrived, they were considerably older than when they had been years before, when Tezuka had been kidnapped -- and by then they realized that they were indeed more than just friends and they got married and indeed, they lived happily ever after.

As for the Snow Queen Atobe -- when he got home and discovered his pet missing, he went ballistic, and created a snowstorm so terrible that it created the continent Antarctica. Then he went out to find a new pet.

And the sprite Mizuki? Well, he'd long since grown bored with his mirror, and had taken to terrorizing the younger brother of a certain hero of this story -- which of course resulted in another grand tale of adventure and so on...


	12. Hansel and Gretel

A/N: This one requested by a friend of mine. I probably won't make many more of these -- but there might be a couple. Thanks for your dedication.

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Hansel and Gretel

Once upon a time there were two brothers, who lived with their parents in a small cottage. Their mother died when they were quite young, and their father did not want them to be without a mother; so he remarried.

Their step-mother was quite a cruel woman, and she didn't like children much, so she devised a rather cunning plan to get rid of them. She convinced the father that they were much too expensive to raise, and that he should send them out into the wild.

Now, he didn't like this idea very much, but his new wife was scary, and he really had no choice but to agree to her terms.

The eldest of the little boys, who was called Syusuke, overheard their conversation. He was frightened for the well-being of his younger brother Yuuta, because he didn't think he could take care of him out in the wild. They would both die before long. Clever little Syusuke devised a plan to foil the plan that the step-mother had devised. He would take a handful of pebbles with him, and leave a trail to follow so that he and Yuuta could return home the next day. Excited, he went out to collect the pebbles right away. Yuuta spotted him in the garden, and asked him what he was doing exactly.

"Nothing," Syusuke replied, with the same old smile he always wore. Yuuta was a little suspicious, because he knew that when his big brother acted all innocent there was definitely something going on; but he also knew that Syusuke wasn't going to tell him anything, so he went back inside to go to bed.

The next day, the father took them out into the woods, intending to get them lost; unbeknownst to Yuuta, but beknownst to Syusuke. Syusuke dropped his trail of pebbles, trying hard to conceal his snickers as he went. Their father left them in the middle of a big clearing, and told them he would be right back -- then he left.

"Well, Yuuta, I think we should be heading home," Syusuke said, cheerfully, after they had waited for a couple of hours. Yuuta was becoming extremely worried that their father was never going to return (which he wasn't), and though little Syusuke liked to watch people suffer, he had a big soft spot for his little brother.

"But I don't know the way!" Yuuta exclaimed. "And neither should you. You're only eight, after all. You shouldn't have a sense of direction yet."

"Well, of course not, but I made arrangements," Syusuke replied. "Come with me." He took his younger brother's hand, and they followed the trail of pebbles out of the forest.

Well, their step-mother was definitely not happy to see them, but she pretended she was just the same.

In the following weeks, she tried to get rid of them many more times. Almost every day, she would send their father out with them to get them lost; and every time, they returned. After the pebbles incident, she banned them from the garden; so Syusuke, being very inventive came up with alternate methods. The second time around he brought a box of chalk. The third time around, he brought paperweights (which worked well, but they were extremely heavy and hard to hide). The fourth time around, he brought an assortment of dice. Pretty soon, Syusuke was not allowed to touch anything in the house except for food -- so it just so happened that on one occasion, all he could bring with him was bread.

When it came time for them to return home, Syusuke was a little annoyed to learn that the birds had eaten his trail.

"Damn," he muttered. 

"Aniki! You shouldn't swear!" Yuuta gasped.

"Well, it looks like we're doomed this time," Syusuke sighed. "I guess we'll just have to explore the forest."

After walking for a little while, they came across a delightful cottage, which appeared to be made out of gingerbread. They were both quite hungry, so being the children that they were, they dashed over and began to nibble on the house.

An old lady threw open the front door (which Yuuta happened to be nibbling -- and he got smacked into the wall because of it) and glared at them (after peeling Yuuta off her wall).

"Who dares eat my home?" she bellowed.

"Sorry, we were really hungry," Syusuke apologized. "Do you think you could help us find our way home? Then we can replace what we've eaten."

The old woman (whose name was Mizuki, of course) regarded the little boy with a thoughtful expression. Then a smile broke out over her face; a rather evil smile, Syusuke thought.

"I'm sorry, my dears. I didn't mean to frighten you with my temper. Why don't you come inside for dinner?"

Yuuta was only too happy to agree. Sysusuke hesitated, but that soft spot for his younger brother kicked in. Since Yuuta seemed so excited about it, Syusuke had no choice but to agree.

When they got inside -- Mizuki put them into cages! She cackled and announced that Syusuke was going to become her personal slave, and if he didn't do as she said, she would eat Yuuta for dinner!

Well, after several weeks of doing all of Mizuki's chores, and being forced to give her pedicures, Syusuke had had enough. He told Mizuki that he would be her slave no longer.

So, Mizuki went to warm up the oven. And when she (Mizuki: I'm a man, damn it, a man! Narrator: Not this time, darling.) opened it to see if it was warm enough, Syusuke shoved her inside.

He unlocked Yuuta's cage, and let the poor, scared boy out, and comforted him while he blubbered about how he didn't want to be eaten.

It was about that time that the boys' father showed up at the gingerbread cottage, calling their names.

"I'm so sorry, my boys," he said to them. He was practically sobbing. "I didn't want to send you away, but she...she's so scary..."

Syusuke and Yuuta patted him on the back, and told him it was all going to be all right. The three of them then ran away to a different country, where the scary step-mother would never be able to find them, and they lived happily ever after.


	13. The Golden Tennis Balls

A/N: This one thanks to Rumiko Nadajima -- whose summary was quite splendid. Sorry it's not InuKai -- that would have been fun too but i couldn't seem to make it work quite as well. I had to alter the story a bit in order for things to work...I hope you enjoy this.

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Golden Tennis Balls

Once upon a time, there was a rather stuck-up princess who didn't like anything besides tennis. He (Yes, that's right. The princess was male. He had the misfortune of having a crazy mother who had desperately wanted a daughter, and therefore declared that her son was still a princess.) played tennis all day, every day, without stop.

Ryoma (for that was indeed the princess's name) often went down to the tennis courts in the city, much against his mother's wishes, since it seemed improper for a princess to mingle with the commonfolk -- but it was so hard to find a decent opponent at home, since all the servants had to let him win. If they put up a decent fight, Ryoma's mother fired them.

It was at one of these games against the commonfolk that he was discovered as the princess, and it became even harder to find a decent match, because now that they all knew he was the princess, they were afraid to even try to beat him. (Not that they would have, anyway. Sigh.)

One of the peasants got it into his head to follow Ryoma part of the way home one day. Ryoma was quite irritated with the peasant -- what was his name -- Momoshiro, and told him to get lost or else. Momoshiro ignored that statement and asked Ryoma to marry him.

"...Do you really think I'd marry a smelly peasant like you?" Ryoma demanded. They were harsh words, but he didn't really mean them. He just didn't want to marry anyone. He wanted to play tennis all day every day forever. So the peasant Momoshiro sighed and went back to his hovel, and Ryoma went back to the palace to practice.

It just so happened that the queen wanted her darling son the princess to marry. Well, the princess didn't like that idea much. He didn't really have much of a choice, though, since he couldn't refuse his scary mother. She did allow him to pick the method of selection. He picked something a little less traditional than she was hoping for, however, and suggested a tennis tournament.

Suitors came from far and wide. The palace was full of them, and Ryoma could barely go anywhere without having his cute little bottom pinched by some of the more hopeful ones. He was extremely fed up with the whole situation, and couldn't wait for the actual tournament to start so he could eliminate all the suitors and go back to playing tennis.

On the first day of the tennis tournament, the champion overall was a tall man in copper mask. (All contestants were forced to wear masks, to keep their identities secret until the end. Of course.) Ryoma tossed the copper-masked man one of his special golden tennis balls, marking him as one of the possible choices of his husband.

The champion on the second round was a man in a silver mask. He was quite impressive, and Ryoma tossed him the second golden tennis ball.

Well, the champion of the third round was a very splendid figure in a golden mask. Ryoma noted how well the golden tennis ball matched the color of the mask; and so intent was he on this that the man managed to approach him and snatch the tennis ball out of the princess's very hand. (Which pissed him off a little, but that is of no consequence here.)

Well, the semi-finals had arrived. Ryoma wondered idly while he watched why there had only been three golden tennis balls, because now they had an uneven number of players. 

The silver-masked player beat the copper-masked player. The copper mask was tossed aside, revealing...Sir Yanagisawa, knight of St. Rudolph.

"Well, damn it all, da ne! I wanted to marry the princess and get rich, da ne! Ah, well he's not even a girl anyway, da ne...Although, I guess that didn't really matter, da ne..."

Sir Yanagisawa was promptly shut up and dragged away by one of the guards of the palace. 

The silver-masked man then faced the golden-masked man. They had a long drawn-out battle that lasted for the entire day and most of the evening. Their tie-breaker went on, and on, and on...until finally, the golden-masked man prevailed.

The silver mask was tossed aside, and the face of a beautiful man appeared. He had a mole on his right cheek. Yes, it was His Majesty, Prince Atobe.

"I demand to know who has defeated me!" Atobe exclaimed haughtily.

The golden mask was tossed aside, to reveal, of course, the face of the peasant Momoshiro.

"This is impossible!" Atobe cried. "Only Prince Tezuka could have beaten me like that!" 

Momoshiro shrugged. "True love conquers all. Hey, Princess Ryoma! I won!" he yelled, waving his arms about like a madman.

Princess Ryoma sighed, and pulled his crown (which was adorned with rubies in the shape of an "R") down lower on his head, trying to hide his face. It didn't work as well as it did with his baseball cap, but his mother had refused to allow him to wear that on such a special event.

"Madda madda da ne," he said. Which really meant that he still wasn't ready to get married, no matter what anyone said, but he might consider marriage to Momoshiro at a later date, maybe.


	14. Go Go Tennis Rangers!

A/N: Quite a few years ago, I used to watch the original Power Rangers. Before it was overdone, and when I was still young enough to actually enjoy it and not think it to be disgustingly cheesy. Ah, those were the days. And these days? Well. You get things like this. This is not only a sad attempt to keep this fic going, it's a request by my sister! So have fun!

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Go Go Tennis Rangers!

It was a quiet day in Angel Grove. One of those sickeningly normal days in which sickeningly normal people act sickeningly happy and make you want to barf while you observe their sickening lifestyle. Angel Grove was a sickeningly small city, so why it was targeted to become the spot that the bad guys decided to conquer, no one knows. Perhaps the bad guys were drawn there because of the large and colorful art museum. Perhaps they were drawn there because Angel Grove had nice public washrooms. The most likely reason the bad guys were drawn to this particular city is that the script called for it.

The leader of the bad guys was a being named Mizuki.

The being Mizuki was sealed away during a rather brutal war between the worlds by the being Ryuzaki-sensei (who was reduced to a floating head in a tube after that incident). Ryuzaki-sensei knew, however, that Mizuki would be back one day, so she devised a plan...She would create the Tennis Rangers, and they would protect the humans!

So, a few centuries later, when Mizuki escaped his prison, Ryuzaki-sensei was ready. She gathered her five chosen teenagers, and the Tennis Rangers were born...

One dark and stormy night, Mizuki devised yet another plan to take over the world, bwahahaha. He gave his henchmen the proper orders, made a couple of monsters, and sent them down to Earth -- to Angel Grove, of course.

Meanwhile, in a nice, clean establishment (probably an arcade, or an ice cream parlor, or something equally as innocent and cute) somewhere in the city, five teenagers were lounging. These particular individuals each wore a distinct color. There was red, there was black, there was yellow, there was blue, and yes, my dears, there was most definitely a pink-clad teenager. The one in red was called Echizen Ryoma, the one in black was called Kaido Kaoru, the one in yellow was called Kawamura Takashi, the one in blue was called Momoshiro Takeshi, and the one in pink was called...Fuji Syusuke.

These five teenagers in distinctive colors just happened to be the Tennis Rangers! They were the saviors of Angel Grove. They periodically defeated evil monsters sent down by the evil ... using their Tennis Zords.

The device on Echizen's wrist (which looked like a wristwatch, but was far more complex than that) made a few random beeping noises, and he glanced down at it.

"What?" he demanded.

"You'd better get up here. Mizuki's on the move again, and Ryuzaki-sensei wants to have a chat with all of you."

Echizen frowned at the face staring out of his not-wristwatch. "Yadda."

"Echizen..."

"I don't want to do any more missions."

"Echizen...we should probably listen to Inui," Fuji, the pink ranger, said, with a smile on his pretty face. "Since the fate of the world depends on us and all."

"Che."

So, the five rangers went up to the very well-hidden giant fortress, by magical and secret means that I can't describe to you here, because it's a secret. They were greeted by Ryuzaki-sensei, the head floating in a tube, and her right hand man (er, robot) Inui. 

"I have news for you, rangers," said Ryuzaki-sensei.

"Good news or bad news?" Kawamura asked, a little nervously. Last time she'd given the rangers bad news, Kawamura had ended up stranded on a desert island for a year, with nothing but a rubber band and a palm tree to keep him company. He still had nightmares about it.

"Good news," Ryuzaki-sensei replied. "I have created a new ranger. Seeing as how Echizen detests being the leader, and never does his job properly and all."

Echizen had no comment on that subject. He just pulled his baseball cap lower, and muttered something barely audible, which was probably for the best.

"This new ranger will be 100% effective as your leader," Inui the robot said. Why a robot required glasses, no one knew -- and no one felt like asking, since he was quite intimidating, being over twelve feet tall.

No one wanted to argue with Inui, for reasons mentioned above, so they all awaited the arrival of their new leader.

He walked out from a conveniently placed door, and everyone gasped. Except for Echizen; he didn't even look phased. All he could say was (you guessed it) "Mada mada da ne." Fuji (the pink ranger!) fainted, which was quite OOC for him, but not for the female pink ranger of the original Power Rangers series. Their new leader, the white ranger, happened to be someone who used to be the green ranger, and had become Fuji's sort-of-boyfriend but not official boyfriend since it's a kid show after all, even though they did sort of kiss once, but that was a bit risque...His name was...

Tezuka Kunimitsu.

He gave a slight nod, as was his custom, and then pointed randomly. "Let's go," he said.

The Tennis Rangers gave a cheer, then suited up. Once in their outfits, it was surprising how their heights varied, and in some cases, their sex changed!(Kawamura became a busty female! Imagine that...poor yellow ranger...Damn stunt doubles.)

"Burning! Go go Tennis Rangers!" Kawamura exclaimed, waving his arms about and nodding his head to make sure that the audience knew that he was the one speaking.

"Let's kick some ass!" Momoshiro said.

"Ssss. Shut up, baka," Kaido said. 

"Mada mada da ne," Echizen said.

"You look good in white, Tezuka," Fuji said.

"..." Tezuka said.

After they'd all had their moment to say something, it was time for them to go and save Angel Grove once again, under the new leadership of the white ranger, Tezuka!

The newest creation of Mizuki's was a very poorly costumed giant lobster. It was quite obviously fake, but the kids watching didn't care. The Tennis rangers fought against it and won without much of a problem. The bulk of the episode had been taken up in discovering the identity of this new white ranger, so the actual fight scene got cut short.

"I'll get you for this, Tennis Rangers!" Mizuki howled, when he discovered his giant lobster had been defeated so quickly.

__

A few episodes later...

Mizuki had allied himself with the also evil Atobe, who was another one of those beings that had been sealed away and was majorly pissed off and ready for revenge. Together, they formulated many devious and terrible schemes. The first of which being the creation of a very scary monster called Kabaji. This monster stood at about seventy feet tall, and he was somewhat like King Kong in his appearance. They sent Kabaji down to Angel Grove, and he wreaked major havoc, until the Tennis Rangers arrived!

Well, this time, Mizuki and Atobe were prepared for this! They had laid a very complicated trap to enslave the Tennis Rangers and make them suffer terrible fates, bwahahahaaha! Kabaji would not be defeated! 

"Defeat them in fifteen minutes!" Atobe commanded, into his communication device. Kabaji heard that voice from the similar communication device that was implanted in his ear.

"Usu," he bellowed. His voice echoed out over the people of Angel Grove, and they cowered in terror.

All cowered in terror -- except the Tennis Rangers. They joined their tennis zords, and the Tennis Rangers prevailed! They defeated the evil Kabaji -- and he did not die, because this is a kid's show, remember! and he retreated back to Mizuki and Atobe, and the two evil ones plotted some more on how to defeat the power rangers!

They came up with one smashing plot, and all the Tennis zords were ruined. This did not stop the Tennis Rangers -- they made NEW ZORDS! And when Echizen, Kaido, and Kawamura decided to leave the cast -- there was absolutely nothing to worry about, because three new people were introduced to the cast. Kamio Akira stepped in as the red ranger, Ibu Shinji stepped in as the yellow ranger, and Sengoku Kiyosumi took over the black ranger's role but was called the orange ranger instead, for obvious reasons. When the pink ranger decided to leave, to study photography, Akutsu Jin became the new pink ranger! (against his will of course) That prompted the white ranger Tezuka to leave, and the Gold Ranger, Dan Taichi, was born! and then...

__

Many cast changes, zord changes, and everything else changes later...

The plaid ranger (Horio), the polka dot ranger (Arai), and the checkerboard ranger (Banji) all jumped into their Rangermobile, and headed off to try and defeat the latest bad guy of the moment, who was called Kirihara and had a thirst for blood and jelly donuts...And the Tennis Rangers continued to plague television sets everywhere, to try and brainwash each new generation of children, who had already forgotten that the original pink ranger was indeed named Fuji, and yes, he was a boy!

THE END (or at least I hope so)

NOTE: I believe the original yellow ranger (who was a girl) had a male stunt double (I could be wrong, since I often am, but oh well) -- hence poor Kawamura becoming a busty female. Probably a redhead. 

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	15. The Frog Prince

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The Frog Prince

There once was a princess -- er, prince -- named Kaido. Kaido was more beautiful than the sun itself. Kaido liked to play with his golden tennis ball, that was given to him by his father, the king. His family was very close; the king and queen were very happy together, even though theirs had been an arranged marriage, and Kaido had an adorable little brother that he got along very well with. That is, however, beside the point.

Kaido loved to play with his golden tennis ball. One afternoon, he accidentally hit it into the well. The well was quite deep, and there was no way for him to get the ball back without injuring himself in one way. Kaido was so upset over the loss of his tennis ball, which had great sentimental value, that he began to weep.

There happened to be a frog nearby, who heard the weeping of the lovely Kaido. 

"There is a one hundred percent chance that your crying could melt a heart of stone. What is wrong, fair prince?"

Kaido felt a little embarrassed to be speaking to a frog, but he related his problem.

"I could get your ball back for you," the frog said.

"I'll give you money, jewels, anything you want!" Kaido exclaimed. "As long as I can have my ball back!"

"Well...all I really want is to be able to sit at the table with you while you eat, and share your bed, and for you to be my friend..."

Kaido was a little uncomfortable with the request. It wasn't every day that strangers asked to share his bed -- be it frog or otherwise. He really wanted his ball back though, so he agreed to the terms. Once the frog retrieved the tennis ball, he ran away with it, and ignored the protests of the frog. He really didn't want a frog in his bed!

The next day, the frog showed up at the castle, and put forth his situation to the king. He even sang a little song about how he'd broken his promise. The king was not impressed with his eldest son, and commanded Kaido to uphold his promise! The frog asked to eat with Kaido, and Kaido's father made sure that Kaido lifted the frog up to the table, and they shared dinner on a golden plate.

Then the frog asked to share Kaido's bed, and of course the king told him he had to. Kaido put the frog in a far corner, but the frog wasn't entirely satisfied with that. Kaido became increasingly pissed offf with the frog's attitude, and threw him agains the wall.

There was a very loud POOF and some cool special effects, a very tall man stood before him. He wore only a pair of very thick glasses.

The man's nudity embarrassed the snot out of poor Kaido, who turned a strange shade of purple, and emitted a few wheezing noises.

"Ah, Prince Kaido. I happen to be a prince that was put under a spell...you've just broken it. Congratulations. You shall be my new wife."

Kaido fainted.

The two were married quite soon after, much to Kaido's dismay. He really didn't want to marry the prince (whose name was, of course, Inui) but he didn't have much choice in the matter, since his father thought it was a great idea for Kaido to get married and all.

Inui informed him that they had to go back to his kingdom, because of all the spells on him and so on. When they got their, they met with Inui's master, who was an interesting sort, to say the least. He was called Banji. Banji was pleased that Inui had found himself such a nice little wife (hiisss) and removed all the nasty spells that he'd put on Inui. The only reason he'd put them there in the first place was because he had wanted Inui to grow as a person, and become a wise ruler. (Actually, he'd done it to have some fun, but that didn't sound good so he didn't say that.)

When Inui had been turned into a frog, he'd been so heartbroken that he'd needed three rings to hold his heart together. Well, as they returned to Kaido's kingdom (since Kaido's father had offered it to them as part of Kaido's dowry -- the poor boy really _was_ a wife) they heard a loud snapping sound, which they thought might have been the sound of Kaido's empty stomach -- but turned out to be the breaking of the bands in Inui's heart, because he was so happy. In fact, the perverse smile on his face proved how very happy he was -- and made Kaido extremely nervous. Inui then proceeded to sing another song, but this one was about making some sort of special juice...

The two lived happily ever after. Although Inui was slightly happier than Kaido, because Kaido was on occasion forced to eat Inui's cooking, and put up with Inui's teasing and tormenting, and his perverse nature (which he really didn't mind, deep down). 

THE END


	16. Teenage Mutant Ninja Tennis

A/N: Thanks goes to veatariel for that interesting tidbit on the yellow ranger...I really wondered about that. There are quite a few requests I have to do now...so look out for more of these things in the near future. I'm glad that you still find them funny...because I'm still having fun writing them.

This fic will mix the cartoon, and will have pieces of the first two live-action movies as well -- since I remember them better than the cartoon. (I admit to watching them not long ago, actually)

****

Teenaged Mutant Ninja Tennis

There once was a band of rather unusual heroes that lived in a sewer. There were four of them, and they were not your average heroes at all, because they were, in fact, oversized turtles. They had been mutated due to a freak accident involving a radioactive goo spill, which was the fault of Inui Enterprises Incorporated. It got cleaned up, but not before these four turtles grew to human size, developed vocal chords, and a hunger for pizza, not to mention they were inclined to wearing headbands and wristbands of various colors.

These four turtles were the savior of the town that they lived under. The evil Akutsu terrorized it no end, in his secret plot, to either take over the world, cause endless misery and suffering due to a personal grudge -- or else he was very, very bored. The only ones who ever managed to stop him were the four giant turtles who lived in a sewer and had pizza delivered to them through manholes.

The four turtles had distinctive personalities now that they were almost human. The leader of the turtles was called Tachibana, and he wore a blue headband. He was quite strict, and very quiet. The intellectual turtle with the purple headband was called Oshitari. The rather carefree and energetic, although somewhat clueless, turtle with the orange headband was called Yanagisawa. (Cowabunga, da ne!) And the token tough-and-cool-guy turtle with the red headband was called Kaido.

Their master was a rat called Banji, who was very wise, but also a little scary at times, because of his constant smile. Sometimes his advice didn't make much sense, but they managed to stay alive through a lot of tough situations because of it.

They had a human friend named Itsuki who was a reporter. He came to visit them on occasion in the sewer. He had stumbled across them one evening, while they'd been in the middle of saving some humans from one of Akutsu's evil plots. The turtles usually tried to remain hidden, because when humans saw them, they were mistaken for bad guys. Itsuki, however, did not mistake the turtles for bad guys. He just struck up a conversation with them (ignoring the fact that they were battling for their lives) and asked them a million questions about why they were turtles and other various things. (He wanted to do an article on them, but that would have blown their cover.)

One night, Itsuki was partaking of some pizza with the turtles, and discussing the latest news.

"Did you read the latest statistics in the newspaper? Did you know that crime rate is up fifty percent? Why would people do that?"

"Dude, maybe, it's like, a plot by Akutsu to corrupt all the rebellious teenagers and get them to perform some of his evil deeds, da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed.

"Nah," said everyone else. That was pretty bloody unlikely. Yanagisawa had quite the imagination.

Meanwhile...

"Dan Taichi! How are my plans to corrupt all the rebellious teenagers and get them to perform some of my evil deeds coming?" Akutsu demanded of his highly overworked, very underpaid, and rather adorable flunky, Dan Taichi.

"Everything is coming along nicely, desu!" Dan Taichi replied, consulting with his handy notebook. (Sometimes Akutsu ripped up his handy notebook, when it contained information he didn't like. Dan was on his fifth notebook this week -- and it was only Tuesday!)

"Good! Go and see that a few banks are robbed tonight."

"Hai, desu!"

"Now...I'm going for a nap. If anyone bothers me, I'll kill them."

"Hai, desu!"

Akutsu settled himself on a comfy park bench (located in his office) and started snoring instantly. Dan Taichi went off to do the real work.

The four giant turtles gaped at Itsuki, who had just informed them (using questions only) that Yanagisawa's crackpot idea had been correct -- Akutsu was indeed corrupting rebellious teenagers to do some of his dirty work for him. He had formed a club, that many teenagers were joining -- a club that supported things like robbery and shoplifting and etc. It was very popular for some reason. Itsuki had found out about this club because his boss's son had joined it; and being the curious person he was, he'd followed the boy to the club, and discovered what it really was...The reason he knew Akutsu was involved was because he'd recognized the leader of the club -- Dan Taichi. He'd seen that boy somewhere before...when he'd accidentally gotten involved in one of the turtles' battles. (He was prone to that kind of thing)

"This is terrible, da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed. "If all the teenagers are corrupted, there will be no one left to work in pizza joints, da ne!"

"Baka," Kaido hissed. "That's not the issue here! Young lives are being ruined!"

"Hm...I didn't know you cared, Kaido," Oshitari teased.

"I don't!" Kaido folded his arms across his chest, and turned his back on his fellow turtles. He was a bit anti-social, and he hated to be teased. He was the type who liked to hide his emotions and appear tough, but he was really a softy underneath. He'd been caught playing with kittens more than once, though he always denied it.

"Everyone. We need to discuss what we're going to do about this," Tachibana said, in his firm -- yet gentle -- voice.

"Da ne!" Yanagisawa said, by way of agreement. "Because I love pizza, da ne!"

"We need to infiltrate this club somehow," Tachibana said. "Anyone have any suggestions?"

"We could dress up as human teenagers, da ne!"

Yanagisawa's idea was ignored.

"I could invent some sort of spy device and we could attach it to the boy that Itsuki knows," Oshitari suggested. This idea had a lot more merit. However, when he tried to invent the device, he realized he had no materials, because...they were turtles, and they lived in a sewer. They couldn't exactly go shopping. They sent Itsuki out with a shopping list, but Itsuki proved to be hopeless because he asked ten million questions about each item, and the salesperson went incredibly insane, quit his job, moved to Tibet and became a monk. Oshitari tried going to a junk yard, but it was hard to find decent high-tech equipment there.

So, they moved on to their next idea. Which was to try and find Akutsu's hideout and attack him. They'd tried this idea before, and they could never find the place. This time was no exception.

"We've tried everything, da ne!" Yanagisawa complained.

"Don't give up so easily, baka," Kaido hissed.

"I wish I could get my hands on a decent screwdriver," Oshitari complained.

"Why is everyone so glum?" Itsuki asked.

"We need a plan!" Tachibana said, as he despaired. Oh, how he hated when he failed as a leader! 

"You all need to calm down and think rationally," Banji spoke up, from his dark and gloomy corner.

"Ah, I've got it, da ne! We should get the kid to lead Dan Taichi back here, then hold him hostage and get Akutsu to come here, da ne!"

"Baka! Do you think Akutsu cares about his flunky? He can always get a new one, without the trouble!"

"Besides that, we don't want Akutsu to know where we live, now do we?" Oshitari pointed out.

"This sucks, da ne! What the hell are we supposed to do, da ne?"

There were a few shrugs.

"Let's eat pizza then, da ne!"

So they did.

A few days later, Kaido was out and about, wandering above ground as he sometimes did when he thought he could solve all the world's problems by himself, being the tough guy that he was. He was clad in a trench coat, so as to disguise his turtle-ness, and he came across a very conveniently placed group of teenagers, dressed in black outfits and masks, looking quite suspicious-like. He barged in and started kicking some butt, and ended up getting captured.

He recognized one of the kids, because of the description he'd heard from Itsuki. It was Itsuki's boss's son! Not that it mattered much, because he was unconscious very soon after that.

Kaido was missing for three days before the turtles put two and two together and realized he must have been kidnapped by the bad guys. This spurred our heroes into action. Oshitari made disguises for everyone, and they infiltrated one of the meetings. They were still too conspicuous, and were discovered, and then they were captured along with Kaido.

Akutsu put them in a cage and laughed at them, and told them all the horrible things he was going to do to them -- turtle soup was mentioned more than once -- and then he laughed some more. When he got tired of laughing, he left them, and went to take care of some more evil plans, promising to be back by dinner time.

"This is quite the predicament, da ne," Yanagisawa commented.

"Nothing we can't handle," Oshitari said. He used one of his clever inventions to slice through the cage (and by accident one of Yanagisawa's fingers -- holy crap, that hurt, da ne!) and they were free! They ran amok in Akutsu's hideout. They kicked the crap out of some flunkies. They found Dan Taichi, tied him up, and stuck a pair of socks in his mouth, just for fun. Then they finally located Akutsu. It was four against one, this time.

Akutsu did not look very pleased. At this point, he revealed that he had a grudge against the rat Banji, for scratching his beautiful face. Of course Akutsu had killed Banji's master, but Banji had SCRATCHED HIS FACE! The turtles then revealed that they didn't care why Akutsu hated Banji. Then Akutsu revealed that he didn't care that they didn't care. Then Yanagisawa revealed that if he was human, he would wear plaid boxers, da ne! Then they all took time to pause, erase the mental image from their minds, and then they continued to fight.

Akutsu tried to fight them, but it seemed that even the mighty Akutsu was no good against four opponents. After a long and exciting battle, the roof of the building collapsed on top of Akutsu (but not on top of the turtles, because Tachibana had ordered their retreat in time) and they figured he was dead, so they beat it.

The police were finally able to catch the group of rebellious teenagers, and they were punished -- but fairly. Most learned their lesson, especially the son of Itsuki's boss, who was beaten up rather severely by a very angry Kaido.

The turtles all lived happily ever after in their sewer, while they were delivered pizza by various teenaged pizza delivery boys and girls.

Akutsu's hand twitched.

Dan Taichi arrived on the scene, having finally escaped from his bindings. He saw the hand twitch, and set about digging through the pile of rubble.

"Akutsu-sempai! I'll save you, desu!" Dan Taichi cried. The hand twitched again.

Akutsu was alive!

The End?


	17. The Ugly Duckling

A/N: This tale here is quite inspiring, really. It has a nice moral... 

****

The Ugly Duckling

Once upon a time, there was a duck. She had babies. They were ducklings.

One of these ducklings was incredibly ugly. In fact, he was so incredibly ugly that when his mother first laid eyes on him, she fainted. When his father first laid eyes on him, he said, "Good lord, that's not my child! My wife has been having an affair!" and a rather painful domestic dispute followed, ending up in the mother duck and father duck's divorce. (Although in reality I don't think ducks actually get married, but this is a fairy tale remember.)

The ducklings went to live with their mother. Even the really ugly duckling, the hideously disgusting duckling...whose name was Yanagisawa. His mother refused to look at him, and he had to wear a paper bag over his head whenever he wished to speak with her. All the other ducklings, and all their friends, and all their enemies, and the random pieces of fluff that flew by all made fun of Yanagisawa and his ugliness.

It was a little frustrating for the youngster. He spent the first few years of his life being called ugly, and gross, and nasty and disgusting, and etc, even by his own mother, who was really supposed to love him unconditionally, but hated him because he was ugly and because he'd been the reason for her divorce, and the fact that anything he said was always followed by "da ne" which really got annoying when she had to put up with it 24/7.

Because of all this, Yanagisawa was a miserable boy. He knew that somewhere out there in the big wide world, there was someone who would appreciate him for who he was, even though his looks may not have been up to certain people's standards. He knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone who wasn't that shallow, and could love someone for who they were inside, and not prejudge based on looks. Yanagisawa...was an optimist.

So, one day, after a particularly brutal insult session, Yanagisawa packed up his bags (or the duckling equivalent to bags) and he went in search of someone who did not care what he looked liked.

He traveled for many days and many nights. He traveled high and low, near and far, back and forth, to and fro, and around and around in a great big whirling mess -- since he had no sense of direction whatsoever. Still, no matter where he went, people pointed and laughed, and made fun of his looks.

Yanagisawa ran into a bit of luck, though -- finally. He came upon the St. Rudolph pond, and there he found an assortment of birds, frolicking and doing whatever it is that birds do for fun. All I know for sure is that they do not play strip poker, because they do not wear clothes. Some of the birds were resting in surrounding trees, some were playing in the water. All the birds were getting along, regardless of species or looks or anything. Yanagisawa almost broke down in tears at the sight.

"Hey, who are you?" asked one of the birds -- a tiny sparrow. He had an x-shaped scar on his little birdie head.

"My name is Yanagisawa da ne!" he exclaimed. "Please let me into your club, da ne!"

"Welcome, Yanagisawa-kun," said a brightly-coloured peacock. "I am Mizuki."

And they played together for many happy years after that....

~~~~~

It just so happened that Yanagisawa the ugly duckling wasn't a duckling after all. In fact, he grew up to be a swan. (By swan standards, he wasn't what one would call sexy, but by duck standards -- he was a knockout.) So he went back home to show off, and all the ducks who had once made fun of him now fell at his feet and tried to hit on them, but he rejected all of them, and told them to learn some kindness and not to insult people...etc. etc.

And Yanagisawa's parents, who had reconciled for a while, split up again, because the fact that Yanagisawa was a swan was further proof that his mother had been having an affair at some point.

But Yanagisawa lived happily ever after in St. Rudolph pond with the swallow and the peacock and the other assortment of birds that loved him for who he was, because he really was very loveable after all, if you ignored the constant da ne.

THE END


	18. By request it's Baywatch!

****

Baywatch

Picture a beach. Picture hundreds of women in string bikinis. If that's not your thing, picture many, many beautiful men in speedos. If that's not your thing either, then go ahead and picture the pets that those people brought -- I won't tell anyone.

Shift your eyes over to the water. Have a look at the swimmers. Oh no! Someone's drowning! But not to worry.

There are lifeguards everywhere, clad in their painfully bright orange/red swimsuits -- skimpy one-piece's for the girls, and baggy trunks for the guys. Watch, as one particular lifeguard (who is waving his orange floaty-thing around like a madman, yelling "Burning! Rescue!") rushes out to rescue the drowning person...and drag them back to shore.

Ah, life at the beach. Isn't it grand?

~~~~~

"Buchou! There were no particularly startling incidents today that need to be reported, unless you count the tidal wave, the tornado, the hurricane, the fact that there was a person discovered under the water in cement shoes, and there were a few dozen cases of hypothermia!"

Tezuka nodded. It was just another day. They could handle a crisis or two. They were the Baywatch team, after all.

"Thank you Momoshiro. That will be all."

"Hai, buchou!"

"Echizen. How were things at your end?"

Echizen shrugged. "Mada mada da ne."

It was his standard answer. Tezuka's eyes bored into the smaller boy until he finally caved.

"I rescued a dog," he muttered, and then he left the room.

The next lifeguard to report was Kaido.

"Ssss," he said.

Tezuka nodded. "I see."

"Ssss."

"That bad?"

"Sss."

"Good job."

A faint blush swept across Kaido's cheeks, he bowed his head, and then he, too, left the room.

That was the end of the reports for the day. Tezuka sat back in his desk, and reviewed some of the written reports. Kawamura's was a little hard to understand, consisting mainly of random English words. Kikumaru's was quite lengthy -- the report itself was short, but it was decorated with little hearts and flowers, and every other word was followed with "nya" or "hoi." Fuji's report was as follows:

"A man tried to drown himself. I rescued him and told him never to try that again on my watch, or he would suffer for it." 

Tezuka could imagine the tensai's normally-closed eyes open wide while making this statement. Tezuka shuddered. 

Tezuka massaged his temples. He was getting tired of all this office work. He would much rather be out there with them more often. That was probably why he wore his swimming trunks at all times, even when indoors. They looked pretty damn good on him, too.

"Buchou! Buchou! There's a problem!" A panting Oishi burst into Tezuka's office.

"What is it, Oishi?"

"There's...an angry mob...outside the building, demanding to know where all the" cough-blush- "busty" cough "swimsuit-clad girls are! They want to put us off the air because we're an all male cast!"

Tezuka stood. "This is a serious situation. We need to take immediate action."

"But what are we going to do?"

Tezuka pondered for a few moments. "I have no idea."

Oishi fainted.

"I'll consult Inui." Tezuka stepped over Oishi's fallen form, and went to see the resident medic and data expert.

~~~~~

Inui hmmed and tsked for a few moments after Tezuka told him the problem.

"I guess you'll have to find some girls," he said, with a shrug.

"That's not an option."

"Why not?"

One of Tezuka's eyebrows raised ever so slightly. "What girls would you suggest?"

"Well, you could get Sakuno to..." Inui shook his head. "No, you're right. That's not an option."

"So. What do you suggest, Inui?"

"Well, I do have one idea...but I'm not sure if it will work or not..."

~~~~~

The opening theme played. Eight trunks-clad lifeguards ran down the beach in turn. Then one skimpy one-piece clad person took their turn...

"Ssss," he said. "Why me? Damn it all, why did it have to be me?" he wailed. He collapsed in the sand and cried. 

Somewhere on the sidelines, Inui's glasses glinted in the sun...

And the ratings, surprisingly enough, skyrocketed.

~~~~~


	19. Tennis Trek

A/N: I think these stories need to come to an end soon, but I'm not sure what to do for my grand finale...It makes me pretty giddy to see the number of reviews I've gotten. Silliness is so much more popular than angst...too bad I like angst better.

I was never a huge Star Trek fan...but I know something about it...hehe. 

****

Tennis Trek

__

Tennis date, five million and two -- not that anyone cares. Our space ship broke down today, and it got repaired by a bunch of beings called oompa loompas on a planet we crash landed on, called Wonkaland...Other than that, it was a normal day. I am awaiting new situations...I know that something is going to go wrong, I can sense it in my buchou bones...

"Oi, buchou!"

"Yes, what is it?" Captain James T. Tezuka asked of the officer that was waving his arms about frantically.

"Buchou, there's a bunch of bubblegum stuck in the engine and we can't get it out, and Oishi says it's gonna blow, nya!"

"I see."

"He told me to come and tell you that we need to land immediately so he can pick all the gum out, nya!"

"Why didn't he just use the communicator and tell me himself?"

"All the communicators that belong to the engineering staff are full of bubblegum as well, buchou! Someone must be sabotaging us, nya!"

"I see." Tezuka turned to his pilot. "Kawamura."

"Hai, buchou?"

"We need to land."

"Hai, buchou!" Kawamura took hold of the controls. "Hora hora come on BURNING! Excellent! We're going to make a BURNING LANDING!"

The ship jerked and twitched -- but somehow, Kawamura always delivered a smooth landing.

"I want to go explore this new world," Tezuka said. "I'll take an away team. Momoshiro, Kaido, Mr. Inui, and Dr. Fuji -- come with me."

"Hai, buchou!"

"Why do I have to go if _he's_ going?" Momoshiro whined.

"Sss. Shut up already, baka."

"You're the baka! Baka mamushi!"

Tezuka gave the two bickering officers a **look**. The stopped fighting immediately. The away team beamed to the surface of the planet, while they waited for Oishi to repair the engine.

"This world looks quite interesting," Dr. Fuji commented cheerfully, as he looked about.

Interesting was a good word to describe it. There were volcanoes erupting everywhere, thunder and lightning crashed, they were currently in the middle of a hailstorm, and there were pushy little kids with lemonade stands at every corner.

The away team stopped to eat lunch. Momoshiro decided it would be a good idea to try some of the local vegetation. Which turned out to be poisonous.

Dr. Fuji tried his best to come up with an antidote, but he had limited supplies.

"Is there nothing you can do for him?" Tezuka asked, as Momoshiro groaned and frothed at the mouth.

"Damn it, Tezuka...I'm a Doctor, not a tensai!" 

They all blinked.

"On second thought, maybe there is something I can do."

Fuji turned the full power of his blue eyes on Momoshiro, and the poisoned man became instantly better.

"Sss...How did you do that?" asked Kaido.

Fuji shrugged. "Saa. Shall we go?"

Suddenly, they were attacked by invisible enemies! They set their tennis rackets to kill and fought back as well as they could against something invisible. They could not win that battle, however, and ended up being carried off to a place unknown...

When James T. Tezuka came to, he was tied up and in the dark. He was used to situations like this however, and waited for the bad guy to appear and reveal his evil plot.

"Oh ho, so you're finally awake Tezuka!" cackled said bad guy as he appeared. "I'm glad my bubblegum bomb worked! It was all a trick to get you to come here so I could capture you and kill you and destroy the all important mission of the Enterprise!"

While bad guy cackled, Tezuka turned to Mr. Inui. "Mr. Inui. What are the odds of us getting out of this situation alive?"

"Well, logically...about five percent. However, since we're the good guys, and because logic never wins, I'd say about one hundred and ten percent."

Tezuka nodded. "Good." He began formulating a plan.

"I, the great Arai, will take over the world and prove that I really am better than anyone else!"

Tezuka had finally wriggled out of his bindings. He jumped the bad guy, and knocked him out cold.

"Five to beam up," he said into his communicator. Only to find that it was jammed with bubblegum.

"Ha ha!" Arai cackled. He was apparently not unconscious after all. "You can't get back to your ship! My people have infiltrated it!"

"..." Tezuka turned to his first officer. "Mr. Inui."

"Yes?"

"Can you use your vulcan neck grip to shut this guy up?"

"Of course."

Arai dropped in a limp heap to the ground. Tezuka picked him up, deciding he would make a nice addition to the ship's brig. He and his away team went back to their ship, fought off Arai's "people", and then went aboard.

Just another day, really.

__

Stardate something or other...

We landed on another new planet today. Went around in circles...there was a really complex maze as a trap for intruders. Kept hearing a voice repeating over and over, "Mada mada da ne." We finally caught the culprit -- an alien from a species I haven't seen before called Echizen. Echizen is his name, not his species...He asked us to bring him back to the ship because he wants to become part of the star fleet...I have big plans for him. He could become the next captain of the Enterprise...


	20. Days of Our Tennis

A/N: I don't know where I get these ideas. Honestly, I must be the biggest idiot in the world (and I've had a few people agree with that statement) But I'm still having so much fun! New ideas just...come to me! I get requests, I get suggestions from my sister, and my friends, and I think of things when I try to go to sleep at night...these fairy tales are taking over! aaaah! Next up...a soap opera?! (oh no...) Ah, and I found a rather disturbing thing -- a NanjiroxTezuka doujinshi. I did not look at it because I was disturbed. Very, very disturbed...and so shall you be. Heh.

****

Days of Our Tennis

"I do," said Ohtori, smiling at his beloved Shishido-san.

"I do," said the beloved Shishido-san, smiling at his adorable Choutarou.

"Wait!" cried a person in the doorway of the church, gasping and wheezing. "Wait, I can't let this wedding continue!" He ran down the aisle, and then collapsed in a heap -- fast asleep.

There were a few gasps.

"Jiroh! Jiroh, what the hell are you talking about?" Shishido demanded, as the groom and groom rushed to the side of the fallen boy.

Jiroh cracked open an eyelid. "What about...your long lost twin brother who looks nothing like you who's in the hospital...have you forgotten about him?"

"No, I haven't, but what has he got to do with my marrying Choutarou?"

Jiroh was asleep again.

"Oi! Oi, Jiroh!"

Jiroh cracked open that eyelid again. "What?"

"What has my long lost twin brother who looks nothing like me got to do with my marrying Choutarou?"

"Nothing...but what about the fact that you're already married?"

There were a few gasps in the rows of people in attendance.

"Shishido-san! Is that true?" Ohtori demanded.

"Well, I..."

"It's true. He's married to me," Jiroh said, before he resumed snoring.

"Shishido-san! How could you!" Ohtori ran out of the church in tears.

"Damn you, Jiroh!" Shishido cried. "I thought it was over between us! I mean, I caught you cheating with Atobe! That's why I left you...I couldn't afford a divorce!" The manly Shishido broke down in tears -- the situation was that bad. The audience felt some sympathy for him.

"Aw, geez, I'm sorry Ryo-chan...I'll go after him and tell him the truth," Jiroh said. Then he yawned, and then he fell asleep again.

"Oi, Jiroh! Jiroh! What about fixing my relationship?"

Meanwhile...

"Have you regained your memory yet, Gakuto?" Oshitari Yuushi asked, as he sat in his usual visitor's chair by the side of Mukahi Gakuto's hospital bed. Mukahi had been in a coma for the past thirty episodes, due to a rather tragic bungee jumping accident, which may not have been an accident at all...The police were investigating, but all the clues so far were not helping any -- only making things more and more complicated.

"No, I can't remember anything." Mukahi looked down at his clasped hands miserably. "I can't remember anything..."

"Not even when you were reduced to tears by the cheesiest film ever, and when I tried to tease you about it, you decked me?"

"No..."

"Or the time when we went on a trip to Disneyworld and ended up in a cheap motel, and spent our whole vacation there instead?"

"No..."

"Do you remember your sixteen illegitimate children?"

"No..."

"You can't even remember that you're a spy for a foreign country and thousands of people are out to kill you?"

"WHAT?"

"Um...Well, surely you remember that time when we...hehe...that was really something..."

"I wish I knew what you were talking about."

"Don't worry Gakuto, you'll get your memory back eventually." Oshitari took Mukahi's hand in his and squeezed it gently for support. "Because I love you so much, and I won't let you suffer. Even if you never remember I'll always love you!"

"Why do I hear cheesy music?" Mukahi asked looking around.

"Never mind that, just say you love me!"

"I can't even remember your name..."

Meanwhile...

"Ah! I didn't want to see that!" Echizen Ryoma wailed, as he slammed the door. His boyfriend was having an affair...with his father.

"NoooOOOO!" he cried. Tears streamed down his face. He slammed his fist into a few walls.

Tezuka came up behind him, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Echizen."

"Don't talk to me, you bastard!" Ryoma exclaimed. "I hate you for what you've done to me!"

"I'm sorry, but I fell in love with him." Only Tezuka could say something like that in monotone, without any change in his facial expression -- even in a cheesy soap opera.

"I'll never forgive you, Tezuka Kunimitsu! I'm going to disappear...but I'll be back in a future episode to make your life miserable by kidnapping your baby sister!"

"I don't have a baby sister."

"You will by then! Sayonara." Ryoma stalked out of the house. He was feeling very OOC that day -- but no one could really blame him, after what he'd just witnessed.

Meanwhile...

A man in a long trench coat and sunglasses produced an envelope from one of his pockets.

"Ah, Inui-kun...I have photographs of you and a certain snake-like boy...rather incriminating photographs as a matter of fact."

"How did you get those?" Inui demanded, glaring at the man in sunglasses -- who was twirling his hair.

"That is not your concern. What you need to worry about is how you're going to stop me from showing these to people..."

"How much do you want?" Inui demanded.

"Oh, well, I can be quite reasonable..."

"How much?"

"Five million dollars."

"...publish them."

Meanwhile...

"I have a confession to make," Fuji said to his current lover, the one and only Atobe Keigo. "The baby is yours."

"Men can't get pregnant..."

"That's the next startling revelation."

"You're a...?"

"Yes."

"I think I would have noticed that by now..." 

Fuji shrugged. "I guess you didn't."

"Er..."

"And I've been having an affair with Tezuka...and Kawamura...and Kirihara...oh, and Echizen..."

"That's nothing. I had a fling with Oshitari while Mukahi was in a coma, I am currently seeing both twins from Jousei -- and neither of them know that I'm seeing the other -- I am also having an affair with Jiroh, I was with Shishido _and_ Ohtori for a while, I've been sleeping with most of St. Rudolph, and..."

"It kind of makes you wonder who your original lover was in the first place, doesn't it?" Fuji said, with a smile.

"Yes, yes it does. Are you really pregnant?"

"Saa. We'll find out in a few episodes."

"I need a drink."

Will Shishido and Ohtori reconcile?

Will Shishido and Jiroh get a divorce?

Will Mukahi remember everything, especially that time when he and Oshitari, well...hehehe?

Will Tezuka and Nanjiroh have children?

What exactly did those pictures that Mizuki took look like?

Will Atobe cut down on the number of affairs he's having?

Will Fuji be male or female?

Tune in next time on Days of Our Tennis!


	21. The Little Mermaid er Merman

A/N: I decided to go with the Disney version because...I thought it would be rather interesting this way. 

Swan lake was requested, but I don't know that story too well, so I don't know if I'll get there...

Cityneko -- thanks for the proposal...I don't know if I'm ready for marriage though. You can be assured however that I will _definitely_ try to cheat you of that inheritance.

****

The Little Mermaid 

(er...Mer_man_)

There lived a little merman called Yuuta, who resided deep down under the sea. His best friends were a fish named Kisarazu and a crab called Yanagisawa. They spent many semi-happy days frolicking about and singing silly songs to amuse themselves. Yuuta's life was decent, but he was constantly yearning for something more...You see, he lived in the shadow of his older brother, Syusuke, who was far more talented than he was at everything. Syusuke was also next in line to the throne -- since their father was the king of the merpeople. Yuuta simply could not live up to that standard, and because of that, he was most often ignored and shoved into the background. It was tiring for the poor merboy, who wanted to be recognized for who he was, and not constantly referred to as "the younger brother of the genius merman prince Syusuke".

Yuuta had a hobby. This hobby was collecting things from "out there". "Out there" was his way to refer to that place that humans lived -- the land. Of course, he couldn't go there, since he was a merman and breathed through gills. If he tried to set foot on land -- well, he couldn't, since he had no feet.

Yanagisawa tried to cure him of his habit.

"You're going to make your father angry, da ne!" he protested, when Yuuta became excited over a fork he had found. 

"I wonder what this is for," he said, admiring the fork's beauty.

"Are you listening to me, da ne?"

"My father won't find out about this, so there's no way he's going to get angry," Yuuta said, absently. Then he went to look for more treasure.

"I'm supposed to be your caretaker, da ne! Why don't you ever take my advice, da ne? Oh, you're father's going to have my head one of these days, da ne..."

"Look what I found today," Yuuta said, proudly displaying the fork for Kisarazu to see.

"What is it?" 

"I don't know, but isn't it pretty?"

"Yes, it is."

"Don't encourage him, da ne!" Yanagisawa cried. If he'd had hands, he would have been wringing them. 

"Come to my cave, I'll show you what else I found...it's even more exciting than this! It's my favorite treasure," Yuuta said excitedly. His two friends followed after him, barely able to match his speed.

In the cave, they saw...a statue. A statue of a rather handsome man. Probably a prince...because what commoner had statues made of them?

"Isn't it great?" Yuuta asked, beaming.

"I didn't know you were...that way," Kisarazu commented. Yuuta's cheeks turned distinctly pink.

"What are you talking about?!" he demanded.

"You're father's _really_ going to have my head now, da ne!"

"You're damn right I'm going to have your head! Yuuta! What the hell is this?" demanded a loud and very angry voice. Yes, Yuuta's father had discovered them.

"Ah! Father! This is just..." Yuuta tried to come up with a good explanation for his cave full of junk, but came up with nothing.

"Yuuta! What have I constantly told you? The surface is no place for a merman!"

"But Father --"

"Don't 'but' me, young merman! Go to your room!"

"Yes, father."

"And you two, I'm ashamed of you!"

"Aah! Da ne!" Yanagisawa fainted. Kisarazu made a hasty retreat.

"Kids these days," Yuuta's father muttered.

~~~~~

Yuuta, being quite angry, devised a plan that night. He decided to go and seek the aid of the witch octopus Mizuki. Surely Mizuki would have some idea of how Yuuta could go "out there". Mizuki was known for his dirty tricks, but Yuuta was confident that he would be careful and not fall into any sort of trap.

Mizuki sat gazing into his crystal ball when Yuuta arrived.

"Ah, Yuuta," he said, with his customary smirk. "I've been expecting you. Have a seat, please." That statement would have been more effective if there had been any chairs to speak of, but as they lived under the sea, chairs weren't all that common.

"Mizuki-san, I came to ask you about --"

"You want to go on land, don't you, dear?" Mizuki asked. His voice was so kind and soothing...

"Yes, so badly! I want to go there and meet the guy who's statue I found!" Yuuta exclaimed.

"What? You want to go there to meet a guy?" Mizuki looked a little angry. "All this time I've spent trying to seduce you...wasted..."

"What was that, Mizuki-san?"

"Nothing, never mind. Now, Yuuta, I can give you a potion that will make you human, so that you can live on land. There are a few conditions, however."

Yuuta narrowed his eyes. He'd been waiting for this part.

"Well...maybe they aren't exactly conditions. More like side effects. For one thing, you'll be quite naked when you reach the surface and are human for the first time."

Yuuta blushed. Well, that would be uncomfortable -- but curable. He'd just have to find some clothes, somehow.

"Secondly, you won't have a voice, because I'm going to steal it. Oh, that _is_ a condition."

"What do you want my voice for?" Yuuta asked. "I'm not an especially good singer or anything."

"Well...It just makes things more interesting. Trust me," Mizuki said. 

Yuuta shrugged. "Fine then. I'll just have to win that guy over without my voice."

"Right. Okay then." Mizuki handed over the potion. Yuuta drank it in one gulp. He began to feel a little strange.

"Better get out there before you're fully human," Mizuki said. "Goodbye, and thank you for your voice!"

Yuuta reached the land a little while later, after learning how to swim as a (very naked) human. Once he was ashore, he tried to regain his breath, and thought about how exactly he was going to find some clothes.

"Ah, Yuuta, da ne! What are you doing, da ne? This is going to be trouble, da ne!" wailed Yanagisawa the crab, who was scuttling up and down the shoreline.

Yuuta opened his mouth to tell the crab to shut up -- but he had no voice, so no sound came out. Damn. This was a definite drawback.

"Hey...what are you doing there, boy?" asked a very sexy voice. Yuuta turned, and saw..._the_ guy. It was his prince! 

__

What a coincidence! What luck! What...oh shit, I'm naked. 

"Are you lost, or something?" the prince offered Yuuta his cloak. "Here, you'll catch a cold if you don't cover up."

Yuuta wrapped the cloak around himself, and stared at the beautiful prince. Oh, how he wanted to tell the man his story! He opened his mouth to speak -- but no sound came out.

Yes, a definite drawback.

"You can't talk?"

Yuuta shook his head miserably.

The prince peered at him. "Hey, you remind me of someone. I can't think who, though. Oh well." The prince offered Yuuta a hand. "I'm Saeki, the prince of this kingdom...Please, come to the castle with me. You can stay there for a while."

Yuuta beamed at Saeki, and accepted his hand up.

"This sucks, da ne!" Yanagisawa the crab wailed, as he watched Yuuta walk off.

~~~~~

Yuuta spent a few happy days at the castle. Saeki was very sweet to him (and teased him a lot, as a matter of fact) and it was all just perfect. Except for the fact that Yuuta couldn't speak. He could communicate in other ways, though, so they got on just fine. Yuuta learned the proper use of a fork (which excited him) and also many other things that would come in handy during his life as a human.

Well, this happiness could not last for long, of course. The evil Mizuki had plans up his sleeve, and besides that -- 

"I've thought of who you remind me of!" Saeki exclaimed one day. "This beautiful guy I saw one time, on a rock...he sang to me...His voice was the sweetest thing you could ever hear. Although...I think he had a tail. Some kind of mermaid -- or merguy I guess, straight out of a fairy tale! I fell in love with him right away, of course. But I don't know why you remind me of him..."

Yuuta felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He'd learned how to write, and had a pad of paper he used to communicate with. 

__

Family resemblance, maybe? he wrote.

"Well, you couldn't be related to him at all because you're a human...not that I believe in merthings of course, it was probably just a dream...But now that you mention it, there's something similar about the two of you..."

Yuuta tossed his pad of paper on the floor, and stormed off.

"Hey, wait, did I say something wrong?" Saeki called after him, but Yuuta had already disappeared somewhere.

"I wonder what his problem is?" Saeki was utterly confused. "Unless he's jealous of my dream...?"

While Saeki puzzled, Yuuta was glaring out at the sea, cursing his older brother, who was better at him than everything -- even romancing bloody humans.

"Da ne! Yuuta, there you are! Finally! Your father is terribly worried about you, da ne. I told him what happened, and he almost killed me, da ne! He told me to wait for you here until you realized that it's all hopeless, da ne."

Yuuta sighed. Hopeless, indeed.

"Are you ready to be a merperson again, da ne?"

Yuuta nodded.

"Thank goodness, da ne! I won't have to be killed, da ne!" Yanagisawa was crying tears of joy. Yuuta stepped into the water, and after a few seconds, he was a merperson again -- voice and all...

...In his lair, Mizuki the witch octopus cursed his luck. His evil plans of misery and pain were foiled -- Yuuta was already miserable enough as it was without any help! Damn!...

"Hey, wait!" 

Yuuta stopped, and turned. He wasn't fully submerged yet. He could see Saeki running after him, waving his arms about.

"Where are you going?" Saeki asked.

"Home," Yuuta replied.

"!! You can talk!!"

"Well I can now, since I'm a merman again."

"What? So you're a merman? They really exist? Then that means --"

"Yeah, that beautiful guy you were gushing over is my aniki," Yuuta said crossly. 

"Ah! I'm so sorry! But you know, it's not him I love, it's you!"

Yuuta's eyebrows raised to an almost impossibly high level. "Well why didn't you say that _before_ I went back into the water and broke the spell?"

"I guess that would have been the best thing."

"Aaah, this is more trouble, da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed, and he fainted.

"So...what do we do now?" Saeki asked. Yuuta just shrugged.

~~~~~

A few days later...

"So, your condition this time is that your first born child will be mine to corrupt...oh wait, you're both men." Mizuki twirled his hair, trying to think of a suitable condition.

"Mizuki-san..."

"I've got it!" Mizuki exclaimed happily. "Your condition is that your dear friends become human as well and we form a tennis team!"

"I don't know if they'll agree to that..."

"I want to get out of this stressful environment, da ne," said Yanagisawa, who was weeping in a corner.

"I'm up for anything," said Kisarazu, who really didn't do much in this story.

"It's settled, then. We'll just have to gather a few humans on the surface, and we will be invincible!" Mizuki cackled. Potions were distributed all around.

~~~~~

Yuuta and Saeki lived happily ever after (especially since Saeki promised to forget about the beautiful voice of Syusuke, who remained a mermaid -- and missed his brother forever after, regretting not being a more loving aniki) in the castle. Mizuki became the manager of one of the most impressive tennis teams in the kingdom (in fact, the only tennis team in the kingdom) and put his dirty tricks to good work. Yanagisawa learned to relax, and Kisarazu still didn't do very much.

THE END


	22. The Three Billy Goats Gruff

A/N: Hoi hoi! This is (probably) the second last PoT fairy tale. The grand finale will be -- by request -- TENNIS WARS! Hopefully I can make it work. I intend to actually do just that -- _work_ at it. I am in the process of deciding who's who. It might take a while. In fact, it may never happen. I might choose something less involved for my grand finale. Because I like taking the coward's way out...ah, but I hope you enjoy this.

****

The Three Billy Goats Gruff

Once upon a time, there were three billy goats who lived in a rather nice tennis court on one side of a bridge. They accidentally ate all of the grass on that side, but on the other side of the bridge, they could see very, very green grass. Oh, how they wanted that grass...They were so hungry they thought they were going to die. So, the three goats decided they would cross the bridge and go to the other side so that they could eat, until that grass was all gone and they had to go find another place where they could eat, and so on.

It just so happened that a rather nasty troll lived under the bridge that they needed to cross. They were really, really hungry though, so they convinced themselves that the troll was visiting his mother, and decided to cross anyway. (What they didn't know was that this particular troll never visited his mother.)

When they reached the bridge, the oldest billy goat, whose name was Sengoku, said to the youngest billy goat, who was called Kamio, 

"You'd better go across first, Kamio-kun, since you're so little and scrawny and puny and pathetic. You're just wasting away over here. You have to eat sometime!"

"Hey, who are you calling pathetic?!" Kamio demanded. "Take it back right now, before I make you eat those words!"

"Maa, maa, just go across, Kamio-kun. You'll get first pick of the tasty grass."

"I don't even LIKE grass."

"Go across already!"

Kamio started across the bridge, mumbling very un-goatlike curses as he went. When he was about halfway, he heard a very loud and frightening noise, and the ugliest thing he'd ever seen loomed up before him. It had dripping fangs and its breath stunk like rotten...something. Its lips...protruded. (You all know who he is now, don't you?)

"Who dares to cross my bridge, da ne?" the troll demanded.

"Uh...it is I, Kamio! The littlest billy goat!" Kamio replied. He figured it was best to answer the question. If he got mad at the troll, the troll might get mad too, and then the troll might eat him. It was best to stay on the troll's good side.

"I'm going to eat you, da ne!" the troll announced.

Apparently the troll didn't have a good side.

"Hey, I won't taste good at all! I'm skinny and scrawny and puny and pathetic! If you wait a minute, my older brother will be coming across. He probably tastes much better than me!" Kamio secretly thought that he would be much better tasting than his stupid brother Momoshiro, but he was making an attempt to escape, so a little lie wouldn't hurt...

"Oh really? I guess I'll wait a bit then da ne," the troll said. It went back under the bridge. Kamio wasted no time. He dashed across the bridge to freedom! And some food!

Somehow, the other two billy goats missed seeing the rather large and ugly troll. Momoshiro, the middlest billy goat, watched his brother eating on the other side of the bridge, and the intensity of his stomach's growling increased a hundredfold. He started to cross the bridge, and when he was about halfway across, the troll appeared.

"Who dares to cross my bridge, da ne?" it bellowed.

"It is I, the middlest billy goat, Momoshiro! But please call me Momo-chan!" Momoshiro replied cheerfully, not at all phased by the giant and ugly troll.

"I'm going to eat you, da ne!" the troll announced.

"Why would you bother eating me? I probably taste like crap. You'd better wait for my older brother Sengoku."

"Hm...maybe you're right, da ne" the troll said. It was really quite a gullible monster. It disappeared again, and Momoshiro went to the other side, where he fought with Kamio over a particular patch of grass.

Sengoku, seeing that it was his turn, skipped across the bridge, whistling a happy tune. When he was about halfway across, the troll popped out from its hiding place.

"Who dares cross my bridge, da ne?" it demanded.

"Sengoku!" Sengoku exclaimed.

"Are you the biggest billy goat, da ne?" the troll asked. It looked slightly doubtful. Sengoku was just as skinny as the rest. He was also a brilliant shade of orange, which somehow didn't seem healthy for a billy goat.

"That's me!" Sengoku replied.

"Well...I'm going to eat you, da ne!" the troll exclaimed.

"Okay," Sengoku said. "Go ahead."

"..." (da ne) The troll hesitated for a moment. Why would the billy goat be so willing to be eaten? It was quite suspicious. Oh well, the troll was hungry, so he advanced.

Sengoku took that opportunity to ram into the troll and knock it into the river that the bridge crossed over. The troll was carried downstream, cursing Sengoku all the way.

"Lucky!" Sengoku exclaimed. He finished crossing the bridge and was reunited with his brothers. And they promptly had a fight, because Momoshiro was angry that Kamio had told the troll to eat him, and Sengoku was mad that Momoshiro had told the troll to eat _him,_ and Kamio was mad because Kamio was always mad.

Meanwhile, in a place far away, the troll finally managed to get out of the water. It was spotted by some very tiny people, and then it was promptly tied up and named Gulliver, but that of course is another story.


	23. Tennis Wars Part 1

A/N: I'm going to call this the grand finale, post it in three parts...and then later on I might write more fairy tales and make myself a liar, but for now...this is the end. (sob)

****

TENNIS WARS

Episode IV -- A New Racket

Star date five hundred and -- oops...

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, where the watermelons grow...

There was an Empire. They weren't very nice and they did bad stuff. The leader was this dude called the Emperor who rarely made an appearance anywhere. The guy doing all the work (ordering other people to do all the work) was called Darth Atobe and he had a very interesting-looking helmet, which he rarely wore because he hated covering up his beautiful face. Something mysterious had happened to him at some point which required him to have an artificial breathing system -- and said system caused him to have a very distinctive voice that would go down in history.

Enough background. On with the story.

Darth Atobe kidnapped Princess Fuji, then destroyed his planet. Princess Fuji was not amused.

And this is what started it all...

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker was sleeping. Ryoma Skywalker spent most of his time sleeping, as a matter of fact. His Uncle Nanjiro always yelled at him about what a lazy ass he was, but Nanjiro was just as lazy, as he spent most of his time looking at porn. The only one who did any real work was Ryoma's aunt, Nanjiro's (unfortunate) wife.

"Seishonan! How many times have I told you to finish your chores before you nap?" Nanjiro demanded at the dinner table one evening.

"Che." Ryoma had no response to that. "You're not my father."

There was a moment of silence. Wasn't...Then they slipped back into their roles...

"Your father was a moron! He went to the dark side."

"...Uncle, you weren't supposed to give that away yet."

"I wasn't? Damn. It's such a good plot twist."

"True, but Ryoma was supposed to find that out later," Ryoma's aunt chided. "Right now he's supposed to believe that his dad was a good guy to the end, and got killed in a heroic way."

Ryoma Skywalker stood up. "I'm finished eating. I'm going to go take a nap."

"Oi, Seishonen! Don't be so lazy!" But Ryoma was not listening to his uncle at all.

~~~~~

The next day, Ryoma and his uncle went shopping for androids. It just seemed the thing to do, really, since they didn't have any androids to speak of. Ryoma's aunt had suggested that they get some, since neither uncle nor nephew did any work to speak of.

"I think we should get that one," Nanjiro said, pointing to a particularly busty android. There was drool hanging off his lip.

"Baka! If we brought that home, Aunt would kill us both! You for buying it, and me for letting you..."

"True." Nanjiro shivered at the thought of his scary wife. "I guess we'll take that one then." He pointed randomly to a gold-colored android.

"Excuse me sir!" piped up the android, "But if you buy me, could you also buy that one?" 

"The little white one? Why?" Nanjiro asked.

"He's my friend, and I can't abandon him!" the gold robot replied. "I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to him, and..."

"Nya," said the little white robot. "Nya, nya."

"Fine, then we'll take both of you," Nanjiro said, not in the mood for arguing. He was still staring at the busty android.

~~~~~

"My name is C3POishi and this is KikuD2."

"Nya, nya."

Ryoma shrugged. As if he cared what the androids were named. He just wanted a can of Ponta and a nap. That was not to be, however, because his task was to clean the androids, and his aunt had warned him that if he didn't, he would get no dinner (and no Ponta!) for an entire week. So here he was, cleaning the damn androids. 

He was in the middle of cleaning up KikuD2 when he accidentally stumbled across a hidden message.

He saw a person in a holograph. A very fair, smiling person...

"Help," the fair smiling person said. "Help me, Obi Wan Tezuka."

Ryoma had enough curiosity in him to wonder who that was, and enough curiosity to wonder who the guy meant by "Obi Wan Tezuka." The only Tezuka he knew was the old kook Ben Tezuka, who lived nearby. Everyone said he was crazy.

"Nya, nya."

"I'm sorry, but KikuD2 says that he belongs to Obi Wan Tezuka, and would really like to go to see him, so that he can deliver his message," C3POishi said.

"I don't know any Obi Wan Tezuka," Ryoma said. He gave his trademark shrug. "But I guess I could take you to Ben Teuzka, and ask him if they're related or something."

"Thank you very much!" C3POishi said.

"Yeah, whatever. Then maybe I can get my nap," Ryoma muttered.

~~~~~

"Ah, Obi Wan Tezuka. A name I haven't heard it quite some time," Ben Tezuka said, with a slight nod. His facial expression never changed. His monotone never wavered. His stoic nature never cracked.

Ryoma's yawn and his craving for Ponta grew.

"Do you know him? Because this stupid android won't shut up until he finds him."

"Aa, I knew him," Ben Tezuka replied.

"So where is he?"

"Right here."

"You're him?"

"Aa."

"Good. That makes life easier." Ryoma played the message for Ben -- Obi Wan -- Tezuka. When Obi Wan Tezuka was watching, the message became considerably longer.

"They got me, the bastards," the smiling man said -- his smile never wavered. "The Empire got me. You were the only person I could think of that might be able to help me. So...help me, please, Obi Wan Tezuka."

The hologram winked out.

"Hn."

"You going to help him?" Ryoma asked.

"No, you are."

"..."

"You're going to become the pillar of the universe. You're going to learn to use the Force, and become a great warrior like your father was."

"My father went to the dark side."

"You won't."

Ryoma shrugged. "Whatever." He started to walk away, on his way to another nap, but he was frozen by Tezuka's glare.

"You _will_ become the pillar of the universe."

Ryoma sighed. "Hai, buchou."

~~~~~

After an extensive lesson his using the Racket Sabre that had once belonged to his father, Ryoma went home, only to find...that his home was gone. Burned to the ground.

"Oh no!" C3POishi cried. "This is terrible!"

"Nya, nya."

Ryoma was quite upset, though he didn't show it. He'd really cared for his aunt and uncle, and now...

"Skywalker. Come with me, and become the pillar of the universe," Obi Wan Tezuka said.

Ryoma didn't seem to have much of a choice, now.

~~~~~

Obi Wan Tezuka and Ryoma went to a bar. Ryoma had to sneak in since he was underage. They were in search of a ship.

They came across a very interesting sort of pilot, by the name of Momo Solo. His constant companion was a very scary-looking sort, called ChewKaido. ChewKaido hissed at Ryoma and Obi Wan Tezuka when they sat at the table.

"You want me to fly you around while you do dangerous crap? That doesn't sound very fun," Momo Solo said, after he'd heard their story. 

"I'll pay you well," Obi Wan Tezuka said.

"How well?"

"Ssss," said ChewKaido.

"Shut up, baka mamushi! I'm well aware it might be dangerous, but we desperately need the cash! I have a freaking bounty on my head, remember?"

"Sss."

"Gah! I hate you!"

"Excuse me, but could you quit arguing and just make up your mind?" Ryoma was reaching the end of his patience with the lot of idiots.

"Right, right. How much are you willing to pay?" Momo Solo asked.

Tezuka whispered a figure in his ear.

"Woo HOO, I'm in for sure!" Momo Solo whooped. He told the figure to ChewKaido, who hissed in a very enthusiastic manner.

Ryoma and Obi Wan Tezuka retrieved the androids, and the motley crew boarded Momo Solo's ship, the Millennium Chicken, and went out into space!

~~~~~

"You know, I never expected you to lead me onto the bad guys' ship. When you said dangerous, I didn't know you meant this bloody dangerous!" Momo Solo complained, as they crawled along.

"Yeah, well, shut up already," Ryoma replied.

"Where did Obi Wan Tezuka go anyway?" Momo Solo asked.

"I have no idea. He said something about personal business, and he looked kind of scary, so I didn't bother asking," Ryoma replied.

"Ah. I see."

"Ssss."

"Nya, nya."

"Those two seem to be getting along well," C3POishi commented.

"Why did we bring the droids again?" Momo Solo asked.

Ryoma shrugged. 

"What are we doing again?"

"Rescuing Princess Fuji. The one Obi Wan Tezuka explained to us about."

"Oh yeah, that important chick."

"Guy."

"Right."

"Hey, isn't that him?"

"Yes."

"Er...Shouldn't we go and untie him then?"

"I guess so."

So, the two geniuses advanced, and released Princess Fuji from his bindings.

"Ah, finally someone came to rescue me!" Princess Fuji gave the two a beaming smile. Then he gave a beaming smile to the two androids, and then another beaming smile to ChewKaido.

It was disturbing.

"I would have been able to escape myself, but I wouldn't have had a space ship, and that would have been a problem, you see," Princess Fuji continued, very cheerfully. "I'm assuming you came here on a ship?"

"Yeah," Momo Solo replied. "The fastest ship in the universe, the Millenium Chicken!"

"Ah, I love chicken. Let's go."

They snuck around some more, back the way that the rescuers had come.

"Is Obi Wan Tezuka here as well?" Princess Fuji asked. "It was him I sent for."

"Yeah, that old kook is here," Ryoma replied. "He's off doing something."

"Oh dear."

"That didn't sound promising," Momo Solo said.

"Well, no. He's probably off fighting Darth Atobe."

"Oh dear, indeed."

"Does that mean we should go and help him?" C3POishi asked. "Because I'd hate to think we left him in danger. Friends shouldn't leave other friends in danger!"

"Nya."

"KikuD2 says he agrees."

"Sss."

"So does ChewKaido," Momo Solo said. "I'm inclined to disagree however, since I'd rather save my own ass than stay here."

Ryoma heard Obi Wan Tezuka's voice echoing through his head. "Become the pillar of the universe..." Damn. He actually cared about the old kook.

"Let's go help him," he said, in the most unenthusiastic voice any of the others had ever heard.

~~~~~

But when they got there, it was too late. Darth Atobe (sans helmet -- oh, what a beautiful face he had!) chopped of Obi Wan Tezuka's head at the moment they arrived.

"Noooo!" cried Ryoma. "You killed my mentor!"

Ryoma was carted off by Momo Solo. They managed to narrowly escape the ship, and speed off into places unknown.

"They killed my mentor," Ryoma Skywalker said darkly, some time later. Princess Fuji was sitting by the bed, holding his hand. Ryoma had been unconscious for quite a while.

"I'm going to get revenge," Ryoma Skywalker said, even more darkly.

"I'm sure you will," Princess Fuji said pleasantly. "And I'll be right there the whole way!"

"Why the hell is the sickbed in the control room?" Momo Solo asked of ChewKaido.

"Sss," ChewKaido replied.

"Are you feeling better, Mr. Skywalker?" C3POishi asked worriedly. "I was so worried about you! Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Nya."

"Hey, has anyone ever told you that you have a nice ass?" Momo Solo asked Princess Fuji.

"Yes, several thousand people."

"Damn. That makes me feel small and insignificant."

"Well. You are." Princess Fuji's eyes opened briefly, and Momo Solo was chilled by their icy blueness.

"Aah, can't you all shut up?" Ryoma Skywalker demanded. "I'm trying to formulate plans for revenge here, damn it!"

"I think we should all go to one of the bases for the resistance," Princess Fuji suggested helpfully. "I'm sure they would love to have your help in fighting the empire."

__

Become the pillar of the universe...

"Okay, okay! I'll do it!" Ryoma exclaimed to the voice in his head. Princess Fuji patted his hand comfortingly.

"There, there, Ryoma. It will be all right."

"Nya."

"Sss."

"Be quiet already!"

~~~~~~

TBC...


	24. Tennis Wars Part 2

A/N: Ah, gomen ne for disturbing all of you so thoroughly...but Obi Wan Kenobe dies in Star Wars, therefore...Obi Wan Tezuka died in Tennis Wars. Don't worry, he's in a better place, playing tennis...Ah, and the Fuji x Momo ...well, we'll see what happens with that. I don't want to give anything away here but...I wouldn't worry too much about it.

The second movie is my favorite. I don't remember as much as I probably should, but I remember enough to destroy it...

****

TENNIS WARS

Episode V -- Hyoutei Strikes Back

Ryoma Skywalker, one of the most important members of the resistance, was currently stranded in the middle of a big snowy planet. He had only the clothes on his back, which were not keeping him as warm as they had been a few days ago, and a llama that he'd been riding at some point, but was quite dead now. All in all, he was in pretty sad shape.

He was beginning to get a little pissed off. The resistance was big and powerful, so _where the hell were his rescuers_?

"Skywalker."

Ryoma blinked up at the floating apparition. He knew that he must be near death, because he was beginning to hallucinate. Dead men just didn't appear out of nowhere and start talking. And Obi Wan Tezuka was dead, because he'd witnessed it himself. Ryoma put his head back in his arms, and was about to go to sleep again, when the apparition called his name once more.

"Skywalker!"

"What?" Ryoma asked irritably.

"I'm here to give you a message."

"I don't believe in ghosts," Ryoma mumbled.

Obi Wan Tezuka gave Ryoma one of his more impressive glares. Obi Wan Tezuka's facial expression did not often change -- so a glare meant that he was sufficiently angry.

"Skywalker. You will listen to my message."

"Hai, buchou," Ryoma sighed.

"You will travel to the planet Glorp, and there you will seek out the being known as Inui. He will teach you more than I was able to."

"Hai, buchou."

"Your rescuers are arriving."

"About damn time." With that, Ryoma Skywalker passed out.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker came to in a very (thankfully) warm bed. There were many people around him, looking at him.

"What?" he growled. Was there something fascinating about watching him sleep, or could they not find anything better to do?

"We were all worried about you," said the leader of the resistance, Kawamura Takashi. He was a very mild-mannered man, but he got fired up when it came to the Empire. What they were doing to the universe was just _wrong._ Since they were using the dark side of the Force and all. The Force should really be used for good things, like saving people's lives, and gardening.

"You're a very important member of the resistance after all."

"Well, I have to leave," Ryoma Skywalker said.

"What?" everyone in the room exclaimed.

"Leave? But Skywalker, we need you!" Kawamura exclaimed. He wrung his hands for a bit, and then someone handed him a gun. (A very fancy gun of course, this being the future and all, but a gun nonetheless.) 

"You _can't_ leave us, because I won't _let_ you, you ungrateful little twerp!"

Ryoma found himself being throttled.

"Hey, leave him be," Momo Solo said. "He probably has important things to do and stuff."

The gun had dropped from Kawamura's hand. "Oh, I know, but...He's our strongest warrior!"

"I'm not that bad, damn it all!" Momo Solo exclaimed. "So let the kid go!" He shooed everyone out of the room.

Ryoma Skywalker made a mental note to thank Momo Solo for that one. Maybe.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker finished loading his ship, and stuffed his androids onto into it. They insisted on coming with him, though he had no idea why, since he was headed for an abandoned planet that held no interest for them whatsoever.

"Hey, kid."

Ryoma Skywalker turned at Momo Solo's voice. "Yeah?"

"Be careful out there, okay?"

"Sure."

Momo Solo gave Ryoma Skywalker a manly slap on the ass, just like baseball players. 

"Ah, Skywalker-kun!"

Ryoma Skywalker's eye twitched when he heard Princess Fuji's voice. Ever since being rescued, Princess Fuji had been a little...clingy. It was weird.

"Yeah?"

Princess Fuji enveloped Ryoma Skywalker in a bear hug, crushed a few of his ribs, and then proceeded to give him the kiss of his life.

After Ryoma Skywalker regained consciousness, he jumped into his ship and sped off as fast as it would take him.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker reached the planet Glorp, and crash landed on it, due to an unfortunate series of events which I promised him I would not repeat to anyone else.

The planet really was abandoned. There was nothing on it besides a stinky bog. Ryoma Skywalker didn't particularly like the smell of farts, so he figured that as soon as he could retrieve his ship, he would leave. Although, he didn't know exactly how to get his ship to resurface from the bog after sinking, so that wasn't an entirely good plan.

"Ah...you must be Ryoma Skywalker. So, you like to wear a white baseball cap. Ii data."

A very tall and wrinkled...something had appeared behind Ryoma Skywalker. It had really big pointed ears, and it wore a pair of very thick and rectangular spectacles.

"Who are you?" Ryoma Skywalker asked.

The glasses sparkled. "That is a secret."

"Fine. Can you get my ship back for me?" Ryoma Skywalker asked.

"Perhaps."

Ryoma Skywalker didn't like the roundabout way that this stranger conducted his conversations, so he began traveling in a different direction.

"Oi, wait!" C3POishi cried out. "You really shouldn't go anywhere, or you'll get lost!"

"Nya."

Ryoma Skywalker glared at his androids, once more wishing he'd left them at home.

"I have to find Inui. Obi Wan Tezuka told me to." Ryoma Skywalker felt a bit nostalgic at the moment, and grieved for his dead mentor.

"So that's why you've come. In that case..." The wrinkled spectacle-wearing thing nodded a few times. "Come with me."

"Yadda."

"_I_ am Inui, and I'm going to teach you a few things that Obi Wan Tezuka didn't have time to teach you."

"Why does everyone have to say that?" Ryoma Skywalker muttered, but now he had no choice but to follow.

~~~~~

Meanwhile...

The Millennium Chicken was being chased by some ships from the Empire. They managed to do some fancy evasive manoeuvres and came across a hidden city in the clouds that was headed by an old friend of Momo Solo's called Kamio. Kamio gave them the tour, made a few comments about how Momo Solo was doing a crappy job of keeping up the ship he'd so generously given to him, and then gave everyone in Momo Solo's party (Princess Fuji and ChewKaido) rooms.

Unfortunately for them, it turned out that Kamio had joined the side of the Empire. Not because he'd wanted to, of course, but Darth Atobe had taken Kamio's good friend Shinji hostage, and Kamio had no choice but to agree to everything Darth Atobe said.

And the three were arrested and thrown into jail, and subjected to various torture methods. Darth Atobe tried to extract information about the resistance from them, but none were willing to talk. Well, ChewKaido might have been, but "sss" didn't mean much to Darth Atobe or any of his lackeys.

Darth Atobe decided he would keep Princess Fuji as a trophy to show the resistance how powerless they were, and he also decided to dispose of Momo Solo and ChewKaido since they were useless.

He had an interesting idea for Momo Solo, however. He had a bounty on his head, after all...

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker learned many things from Inui. He learned the proper use of the Force (which he used to retrieve his ship), he learned how to better use his Racket Sabre, and he also learned how to make a killer sports drink.

He also learned an interesting tidbit of information.

"You mean Princess Fuji is my sister?" Ryoma Skywalker was not often confused, but in this case, he was nothing short of bewildered.

"Yes," Inui replied.

"But Princess Fuji is a boy."

"Is he really? Well, your brother then. You're twins."

Ryoma Skywalker wondered just how accurate Inui's information was if he hadn't known that Princess Fuji was a boy.

"I believe it's time for you to be heading back to your friends though," Inui commented. "Since they've been arrested by the Empire and all."

Ryoma Skywalker was a little upset by this, but he didn't show it. Instead, he boarded his ship, and set off to find his friends. Inui conveniently had a map that would lead him there. Inui knew everything, it seemed...everything but the other Skywalker twin's gender.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker reached the fortress just after Momo Solo had been turned to stone. This had been done using a very scary-looking man with Medusa-like powers. If one looked into his eyes, they would be frightened enough to turn to stone on the spot. (His name was Akutsu.)

Ryoma Skywalker was not amused. He rushed right in and started fighting with random people. That wasn't exactly his best idea ever, but he figured that since he was the hero of the story, he'd better take action this time.

He managed to free ChewKaido and Princess Fuji (who gave him a thank you kiss which disturbed Ryoma Skywalker, due to his newfound knowledge which he decided he would have to share with the princess later) but he really couldn't take a hunk of stone with him, so he had to leave Momo Solo behind. ChewKaido and Princess Fuji made their way to the ship, where C3POishi and KikuD2 were waiting, but Ryoma got stopped by a very dark and looming (and sexy) figure.

Darth Atobe.

"Ryoma Skywalker...You've been giving me some trouble. That ends now."

Ryoma Skywalker made no reply. He merely drew his racket sabre.

"You think you can win against the beautiful ore-sama?" Darth Atobe laughed. "Oh, how amused I am! Why don't you join me, Ryoma Skywalker? Join the dark side of the Force. Think of all the fun you could have!"

"..." Ryoma Skywalker was really not impressed by Darth Atobe's attitude. In fact, he decided to nickname Darth Atobe the monkey king.

Darth Atobe was not impressed by Ryoma Skywalker's new nickname for him. But he had a surprise for Ryoma Skywalker.

"Well, Ryoma Skywalker...I have some news for you." Darth Atobe was much better with a racket sabre than Ryoma Skywalker. Without much effort, he managed to slice through Ryoma Skywalker's wrist.

"Ryoma...I am your father..."

Ryoma was left hanging in the middle of nowhere, missing a hand, and his head reeling with this newfound information, which made him want to pee himself.

It was definitely not his day.

~~~~~

Thankfully, ChewKaido flew by at the right moment, and rescued Ryoma Skywalker from a terrible fate (either falling or bleeding to death). Princess Fuji took care of Ryoma Skywalker's bloody stump, and sat by him whilst he brooded over the lost Momo Solo, his beloved mentor Obi Wan Tezuka, and the fact that Darth Atobe, who was only about two years older than him, was his father. He couldn't even begin to guess who his mother was, nor did he really want to know.

nce they returned to the resistance's base, a medical robot gave Ryoma Skywalker a new fake hand.

"Princess Fuji," Ryoma Skywalker said to the man who had been watching over him non-stop since they'd returned.

"Yes?"

"You're my sister," Ryoma Skywalker said. Princess Fuji's smile never wavered, but his eyebrows drew together a little. Ryoma Skywalker realized his error.

"Princess Fuji."

"Yes?"

"You're my brother."

"Ah, I see." Princess Fuji nodded. "Does that mean that Darth Atobe is my father as well?"

"I guess so, but aren't you two the same age?"

"The world works in mysterious ways," Princess Fuji said.

"So are you going to give in and be Momo Solo's girlfriend now?" Ryoma Skywalker asked, a little too eagerly.

"Hm...No, I don't think so. I like you much better."

Ryoma Skywalker sighed. His life was just so complicated...

And his quest was far from over. He still had to get revenge on Darth Atobe, even if the conceited weirdo was his father.

~~~~~

TBC


	25. Tennis Wars Part 3

****

TENNIS WARS

Episode VI -- Return of the Deranged Fanfic Author

On a planet that was widely recognized as a tourist attraction, due to its wide variety of species, and its interesting (if somewhat evil) leader, Momo Solo the block of stone was on display for all to laugh at. The evil leader of the planet had put a bounty on Momo Solo's head a while back, due to the fact that Momo Solo owed him a large sum of money. Darth Atobe had cashed in on this bounty a few weeks ago. The evil leader enjoyed showing off his new prize to his guests.

Currently, the evil leader was in the middle of giving a ball. To this evil leader's left sat a very cute human boy, with an x-shaped scar on his forehead. To his right sat a very fair man, clothed in a little red...something. Yes, it was Princess Fuji.

"But I was rescued by Skywalker-kun in the last episode," Princess Fuji protested of the narrator.

"Yes, that's true, but I just remembered that Princess Leia was in the possession of Jaba the Hut for a while, therefore Princess Fuji must be in the possession of Mizuki the Hut for a while."

"I don't like the sound of that," Princess Fuji said, opening his pretty blue eyes. However, he stopped arguing, because he knew that very soon Ryoma Skywalker was going to show up and rescue him (again).

"This is boring," Mizuki the Hut (who was not big and ugly, but very slender and beautiful) complained. He pushed the Big Red Button (tm) and the latest entertainer fell into a pit filled with a million Horios. Very soon, the terrified screams of the former entertainer could be heard echoing throughout the room.

"Next!" Mizuki called, and after a wave of his hand, the next entertainer gave his best shot to impress him.

Meanwhile, Ryoma Skywalker, who had been practicing with the Force over the past little while (and trying to figure out where he'd lost Princess Fuji) had snuck into the palace of Mizuki the Hut disguised as a hot dog vendor. The disguise seemed to be working quite well, but he was growing sick and tired of wearing the stupid wiener hat.

Somehow, he managed to approach Princess Fuji, even though he was one of Mizuki the Hut's new love slaves (along with the scarred human, whose name incidentally was Yuuta) and was incredibly well guarded. Princess Fuji was so happy to see him that he gave Ryoma Skywalker a great big kiss. 

"You really have to stop doing that," Ryoma Skywalker muttered. He untied Princess Fuji, and together, they snuck away. And even though Momo Solo was incredibly well guarded, they managed to find the Big Blue Button (tm) which caused him to turn back into a normal human, instead of a hunk of rock.

"Wow, am I glad to see you!" Momo Solo exclaimed to Princess Fuji.

"I'm not going to fall in love with you," Princess Fuji said cheerfully.

"That's not very fair," Momo Solo said with a pout. "I'm supposed to be the one who finds a love interest, not him!" This said with an accusing finger pointed at the oblivious Ryoma Skywalker, who was looking for a way out.

"Guards! Stop them!" Mizuki the Hut cried. Drat, he'd finally noticed them!

"Crap. Guess there's no choice now." Ryoma Skywalker tore off the wiener hat and the rest of the vendor costume, to reveal a long black cloak, which could have looked cool on someone about three feet taller.

"Your evil days are done, Mizuki the Hut." Ryoma Skywalker sighed after reciting his lines (in a rather unenthusiastic voice). Oh, how it sucked being the hero.

Mizuki the Hut laughed at Ryoma Skywalker's impudence. While he was busy laughing, Ryoma Skywalker and the rest got away. Not too long after everything was over, Princess Fuji returned to the planet to rescue Yuuta, but that is of course another story. Mizuki the Hut spent the rest of his days cursing his luck.

"Thank you for rescuing me, Skywalker-kun!" Princess Fuji said, and made as if to kiss poor Ryoma Skywalker again, but he hid himself in a closet before Princess Fuji had the chance.

Then they were off to new adventure! Actually, they were off to the base of the resistance, but there they were sure to be assigned to some kind of new adventure, anyway.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker decided he would go back to the planet Glorp and see Inui again. Although last time he'd left, Inui had warned him that they would probably never meet again.

And when Ryoma Skywalker reached the planet Glorp, he saw the giant sign sticking out of it

"This space for rent"

and he somehow knew deep down in his heart that Inui had gone to the same place that his long lost mentor Tezuka had gone to.

He also felt in his heart that the end was drawing near...

~~~~~

"Why did we come to this planet again?" Momo Solo asked miserably.

"Sss."

"Oh shut up, baka mamushi. I know it was a mission, but we didn't have to agree to it, now did we?"

"Sss."

"Gah."

Momo Solo, ChewKaido, C3POishi and KikuD2 were currently tied up and hanging over a roasting pit.

"The beings on this planet really are interesting," Fuji commented. "What are they called again?"

"Ichinen," Momo Solo replied with a shudder. "I thought they seemed nice at first, but no! Turns out they want to _eat_ us."

"Sss."

"What the hell are you talking about? I taste a hell of a lot better than you, baka mamushi!"

"SssssssSSSS!"

"Ooo someone's getting testy!"

"Stop it, you two," Princess Fuji said, becoming slightly irritated.

"What are we going to do?" C3POishi wailed. "I don't want to be eaten! I have to keep on protecting my friends and watching out for their well-being and making sure that they continue to love and support each other!"

"Hey, that one is shiny!" one of the strange Ichinen yelled, in its screechy little voice, pointing at C3POishi.

"Oooo shiny!" exclaimed the rest of the Ichinen. They began a ritual dance around C3POishi, they made him their god, and they offered many interesting things to him, including goats, sheep, lambs, and a very large chocolate bunny.

So C3POishi asked very nicely for them to release his friends, and they enjoyed a large feast (with the main course being the very large chocolate bunny).

After the feast, Momo Solo and co. beat it out of there, escaped the planet, and left a lot of very disappointed Ichinen behind them. C3POishi felt bad for letting all of them down, and suffered numerous guilt trips about it, but he eventually got over it, due to the fact that his guilt trips were making his current traveling companions go insane, and he didn't want to hurt them, so...

Once they reached the resistance base, they were reunited with Ryoma Skywalker, and it was then that they decided to storm the Empire and have the final confrontation that would end this fic forever.

~~~~~

Momo Solo and Princess Fuji were with the androids, wandering around the giant ship and shooting random robots.

"This is kind of boring," Momo Solo complained. "Ryoma gets all the good jobs."

"Ah, I hope Skywalker-kun is all right," Princess Fuji said. "I'm going to marry him when this is all over, you know."

"I thought he was your brother?"

"And? What's your point?" Icy blue eyes were revealed.

Momo Solo edged away from Princess Fuji slightly. He was pretty scary when his eyes were open. "Nothing. I have no point. To each his own."

"Exactly."

"I never thought I would see the day where I actually wish ChewKaido was with me," Momo Solo muttered. Princess Fuji heard him, but made no comment, for which Momo Solo was grateful.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker faced Darth Atobe, who was actually wearing his helmet for once.

"This is it, son."

"Please, don't call me that," Ryoma Skywalker said.

Darth Atobe attacked. They fought for a while, and then Ryoma Skywalker found himself on the floor, after being stabbed in the shoulder with the racket sabre.

"Ow," he said.

"Ryoma...I don't want to kill you," Darth Atobe said. He sounded so sincere, almost as if he regretted what he was doing to his son...Then he laughed. "Just kidding. I really went over to the dark side because I like it better, so I'll have no problems killing you! Kabaji, kill my son!"

"Usu!"

Ryoma Skywalker didn't bother to wonder where the big scary guy had come from, he just concerned himself with running away from him.

And then...out of nowhere, appeared...the evil Emperor, who was the one in charge of all the bad guys.

"Hahaha my plans to take over the universe are working, da ne!" he cackled.

"Oh, shut up already!" Darth Atobe exclaimed. "I'm the one who does all the work around here!" (This said by the man who had just ordered his minion to kill his foe) He raised his racket sabre against his boss, and they battled. Darth Atobe managed to knock the Emperor over the rail, and with one last "Da neeee!" the Emperor was defeated.

Darth Atobe was feeling pretty proud of himself, since the universe was going to be his now. He basked in the glory of it all -- that is, until Ryoma Skywalker, who had defeated Kabaji already, showed up again, and pushed him over the same rail that the Emperor had fallen off of.

"Sorry dad," Ryoma Skywalker said. Then he shuddered. "Ugh...Dad."

Well, at least it was all over now.

~~~~~

Ryoma Skywalker bent his head down to allow Princess Fuji to place the medal around his neck, and found himself being scooped up into Princess Fuji's arms instead.

"We'll live happily ever after," Princess Fuji said, smiling beaming brightly. "You're going to marry me."

"Yadda."

But of course, no one could resist the will of Princess Fuji, and they did indeed get married, and they did indeed live (somewhat) happily ever after. Momo Solo gave up and married ChewKaido, since ChewKaido seemed to be the only one who was even remotely interested in him, although that felt more like hatred than anything. C3POishi and KikuD2 had always been together so they didn't have to get married. Mizuki the Hut did not get married either, because he preferred having love slaves. Obi Wan Tezuka was dead, but in the afterlife he and the being Inui had a rather interesting relationship. Oshitari and Mukahi, who were not featured in this story because they were random members of the Empire also got married, but as they were members of the Empire, they were also arrested by the resistance. And a whole lot of other people got married because that's always what happens at the end of stories like this for some reason.

And the entire cast of Prince of Tennis came after the Cheeseburger of Doom with very sharp and pointy pitchforks and told her that if she ever tried to pull something like this again, she would suffer until the end of time.

THE END


End file.
